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LETTERS 



OF A 



SELF-MADE PRESIDENT 



BY 



JAMES J. NEVILLE. 



COPYEIGHT, 1905, BY 

J. S. Ogilvie Publishing Company. 

All Rights Reserved. 
Copyrighted, 1905, in Great Britain. 



New York : 

J. S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 

57 EosE Street. 



^^sy 



LIBRARY Ot JONUKF.SS 
fwu Oopt«s rtec«ji*oii 

AUG 9 lyOb 

Sopyriiini Lnu^y 
«UPY U. 



Letters of a Self-Made 
President 



LETTER NO. 1. 

The President, in his first letter to a per- 
sonal friend after becoming the Nation's 
Chief Executive, speaks of marked changes 
he is going to make in the White House. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear P'riend : 

It was a real pleasure to hear from you so 
soon after my entering the White House to 
take up the great responsibilities of the 
Presidential office. It was very kind of you 
to express your well-wishes in such happily 
phrased language. 



4 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

I feel rather strange here, but I will get 
accustomed to the daily routine after a 
while. I intend to change the White House 
completely around. There has been too 
many worn-out ideas prevailing here for 
years. I promise you that during my term 
of office things will move rapidly in Wash- 
ington. I do not intend to be bound down 
by any conventionalities, either while in the 
White House or when I make a tour of the 
country. 

This morning I ordered the pictures of 
Jefferson and AVashingtou removed from the 
Blue Room and hung in the servants' quar- 
ters. I shall replace them with some fine 
hunting scenes that I had painted for me 
many years ago. One picture, in particular, 
I am very much pleased witlL It represents 
the death of the last buffalo. I have ordered 
it hung in the northeast corner of the Blue 
I\oom. My other favorite hunting scene — 
the one you have admired so many times — 
will be the comi^anion picture. It has been 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 5 

enlarged, and I look for the Washington cor- 
respondents to pay a great deal of attention 
to "The Battle of the Grizzlies." 

I will keep in touch with you from time 
to time. Have your ear to the political wires 
all the time, my dear friend, and ascertain 
what the politicians are saying about me 
and what they intend to do at the national 
convention three years from now. My cam- 
paign for a second term will begin soon. I 
look for a bitter fight, but I have no doubt 
of the result. My political enemies will be 
forced to accept me. 

With good wishes, I am 

Yours delightedly, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 2. 

The President accepts gift of gold-plated 
horseshoe from a pugilistic friend and offers 
him position as Official Horseshoer at the 
White House stables. 



6 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Fitz : 

I received the gold-plated horseshoe this 
morning. ]Many tlianks for this handsome 
gift, which I shall always have on my desk. 
I intend to keep it in the family, as it will 
be of historic interest hundreds of years 
after you and I have passed beyond. 

You travel a great deal and meet thou- 
sands of people. I wish you would talk me 
up as much as possible. Such good fellows 
as you do a candidate more good than you 
really think you do. I want your support 
and the support of all your friends. The 
Presidential contest is going to be a lively 
one and I am anxious to get the decision. 

By the way, in the event of my election I 
am going to secure a fine government job for 
you. I shall have a law passe<l by Congress 
naming you as Official Boxing Instructor 
for the Senate and House. The provisions 
of the law will compel every United St<ates 
Senator and everv ^Member of Congress to 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 7 

take boxing lessons from you. You can re- 
tire from the prize ring then and settle down 
to enjoy 'The Strenuous Life'' in Washing- 
ton Avith men of high degree. 

When you appear in Washington come to 
the White House and take dinner with me. 
Afterwards we will have a six-round setto 
in my gymnasium. 

As ever yours, 

The President. 

P. S. — If you should decide not to accept 
the position of boxing instructor, I would 
gladly make you Official Horseshoer at the 
White House stables. Perhaps you would 
prefer this. Let me know soon. 



LETTER NO. 3. 

The President declines offer of a friend to 
be his bodyguard, saying that he is heavily 



g LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

armed and would kill the man on sij^ht who 
would attempt assassination. 



The White House, 18—. 
Mr. Wtlllv:\i Ring, Deadwood, S. D. : 

Dear Friend — I am sorry that T cannot 
give you a position as bod^^guard to the Pres- 
ident of the United States. Your letter in- 
terested me very much. I know y<m would 
be a valuable man around the White House 
and would prove efficient and worthy. What 
you say about the danger of assiissination 
is quite true. liut I am carefully guarded. 
I do not believe there is a ruler on earth wh.o 
has more secret service men and spies 
around liim tlian I have. They follow me 
everywhere and every man is "arnu'd to the 
teeth." 

I always carry a self-cocking revolvei in 
my hip-pocket, and if any crank or nnarchist 
gets close enough to me and attempts to 
take my life I will shoot him dead. A Presi- 
dent would be justified in doing this. I 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 9 

would not lose a second in killing the man 
who would assassinate me. 

In some other way, probably, I will be able 
to help you in the near future. I hope you 
will succeed in getting yourself elected a 
delegate to the national convention from 
your State. 

Sincerely yours. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 4. 

The President begins his hunt for dele- 
gates to the National Convention and writes 
a friend to start out and corral the South- 
ern negroes. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Jim : 

Very likely before this letter reaches you 
your nomination as Surveyor of the Port 
will be filed with the Senate. I have ordered 
immediate confirmation. I do not expect 
you to confine yourself to the duties of the 



10 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

position, but shall look to you to make a 
loug tour of tlie South for the purpose of 
capturing the negro delegates for me. I 
want them to support me for the Presidency 
three years from no^v. I believe you are 
just the man to deliver the entire negro dele- 
gation from the South. You have had plenty 
of experience in this line with former can- 
didates for the Presidency and I guess your 
cunning has not forsaken you. 

You may think I am starting in too early 
to get a renomination, but my object is to 
head off all possible opposition early. I 
mean to squelch every Presidential boom 
that bobs up. I have the entire Federal pa- 
tronage at my disposal, and I shall parcel 
out the offices in a way to best serve my own 
ends. The solid South should be for me. It 
is very important that I should have the 
negro delegations pledged to my support 
now. Spare no expense in doing this, l^ou 
know the Southern negroes are not too flush 
with money. Many of them pay off their 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. -^^ 

mortgages on the eve of a Presidential cam- 
paign. Do not be squeamish about approach- 
ing the leading men. Find out the state of 
their finances and then go ahead and work 
in my interests. 

I have great confidence in your political 
sagacity and I shall expect you to make a 
favorable report to me in person upon your 
return from the South. After you have 
taken the oath of office as Surveyor plan to 
go to Florida on your missionary tour, and 
lose no time in picking out delegations to 
the national convention who will vote for 
my renomination. Keep your movements a 
secret. Avoid reporters. 

Hoping you are in splendid health, and 
with good wishes, I am 

Sincerely yours. 

The President. 



^2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

LETTER NO. 5. 

The President writes his friend "Booker" 
about the good effect that has gro-^Ti out of 
his being entertained at dinner at the White 
House, and concludes by inviting him and 
ten of his colored friends to dine with him 
in the near future. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Booker: 

My entertaining you at dinner in the 
White House has raised a storm of protest, 
especially in the South. Let them storm and 
rage — I care not. I am privileged to choose 
my own associates at dinner, and I shall 
exercise that privilege while I am President. 

I have already noted one good effect of 
your dining with me last week. It is that 
I am sure of the solid colored vote in the 
next national convention. If there had been 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^ 

any doubt about my getting any of the 
Southern delegates I believe it disappeared 
the morning the newspapers told the story 
of your dining with the President. I will 
be materially assisted by the incident in the 
State of Indiana, where there is a heavy col- 
ored vote, and also in New York. 

I have received 111,565 letters from col- 
ored men in different parts of the North 
promising to vote for me. So, you see, your 
coming to the White House is going to do 
me much good in the national convention 
and also at the November election. 

I hope to have the pleasure of your com- 
pany at a watermelon dinner on the 23d 
inst. I shall be pleased to entertain ten of 
vour colored friends the same evening. 

The flashlight photograph taken when you 
and I were at dinner will be ready in a day 
or two, and I shall have one enlarged and 
sent to your Southern address. I have or- 
dered 100,000 of them for distribution in the 
States of North Carolina, South Carolina, 



]^4 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

Florida, Geor<;ia and ludiana. 1 lliiuk it a 
move that will win votes. 

A\'ith kind re<iiards, my dear Booker, be- 
lieve me to be 

Your sincere friend, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 6. 

The President announces bis intention to 
name a negro Collector of a Southern port 
and gives his reasons for appointing colored 
men to high positions in the government 
service. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator: 

I am going to make a nice New Year's 
present to our colored friend from the 
South. I will appoint him Collector of the 
Port. I am doing this because of the great 
howl that has gone up from the South 
against my appointing a negro to such an 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^5 

important position. I have received liim- 
dreds of protests from white people against 
the appointment. Let them storm and rage 
— that is the nature of the Southerner, and 
as they have not had anything to rage over 
since 1861 it is about time they were given 
a chance to give vent to their pent-up feel- 
ings. 

I anticipate some opposition to the negro's 
confirmation, especially from the Southern 
Senators, but the delay will only be tempo- 
rary, and in time my man will get the place. 
I want you to lead the fight for confirmation 
on the floor of the Senate when the nomina- 
tion comes up for action. I will fix the com- 
mittee all right and get a favorable report. 
It is up to you to help me out when the final 
test of strength comes. 

The nomination is one of many which I 
intend making. I believe the negro should 
be placed in high positions, and I mean to 
follow out this policy. It will help me a 
great deal when it comes time to name the 



IQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

national delegates. We must have the sup- 
port of the negro, and in order to get it he 
must be given good appointments. 

The Booker dinner and the ajjpointment 
of a negro to the Collectorship of the Port 
mean several solid negro delegations for me. 
I hope to see you to-night, as I hav'e several 
political surprises that I want to make 
known to jou. 

Cordially yours. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 7. 

The President writes the champion heavy- 
weight pugilist of the world, telling him 
that he is anxiously awaiting the outcome 
of his contest with the "Irish champion." 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Jim: 

I am reading the newspapers carefully 
for news about your coming fight for the 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. \J 

championship of the world. I wish I could 
be at the ringside on the night of the 30th. 
I would be there, but I have made an en- 
gagement to deliver an address before a 
Quaker society on "Modern Warfare," and 
I cannot very well take the trip to the coast 
to see the championship contest for the rea- 
son named. 

As you know, I am quite proficient in box- 
ing now. I put on the gloves daily with my 
new boxing instructor, and he tells me I 
have improved in my hitting wonderfully. 
We have a ten-round bout every afternoon 
immediately after the Cabinet meeting, and 
all of my Cabinet officers attend. I am teach- 
ing tAvo of them how to box. I tell you, they 
enjoy it immensely. Boxing is certainly a 
manly sport. 

When the new White House is planned I 
will have a large club house erected in the 
rear and a regulation 24-foot ring built, 
where me and my friends can enjoy boxing 
bouts once a week. 



-jg LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

I am very confident you will defeat the 
Irishman. I saw him knock out a man in 
New York a number of years ago, but his 
opponent was a third-rater. You are im- 
proving every time you tight, and T believe 
you will win inside of ten rounds. I have 
made arrangements to have a wire strung 
from the White House into the club house 
the night of the contest, and I will get full 
and complete returns. I will be with you in 
spirit the night you battle for the champion- 
ship, which I know you will retain. 

If you come East after the fight make it 
your business to stop off in Washington. I 
will give a luncheon in your honor in the 
White House. I would like to put the gloves 
on with you during your visit here, as I am 
anxious to learn some of your methods. 

With well wishes, I am. 

Your sincere friend. 

The President. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. \^Q 

LETTER NO. 8. 

The President writes a friend in the Sen- 
ate that he is not going to follow out prece- 
dents established by former Presidents, but 
is going to act in matters of legislation as 
his best judgment dictates. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

Many of the leading newspapers in New 
York, Chicago, Boston, Baltimore and Phil- 
adelphia are claiming that I am not follow- 
ing out precedents established by former 
Presidents of the United States. They think 
I am going too far in trying to usurp the 
powers of the Senate and House. 

With all due respect to you, what has the 
Senate done at this session? What has it 
done since I became President? I have had 
to suggest legislation. I have had to urge 
the passage of important bills. I virtually 



OQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

bad to take the Senate by tbe tbroat and 
compel it to pass tbe Cuban bill. 

Uereafter I sball pay no attention to wbat 
tbe newspapers say about my usurping tbe 
powers of Congress. Tbe people look to 
me to make tbe laws tbey want passed. For- 
mer Presidents bave truckled to Congress 
in order to get bills passed. 

I do not believe in following precedent in 
matters of government. Because tbis Presi- 
dent or tbat President did so and so does 
not fui'nisb me witb good reasons for fol- 
lowing in tbeir footsteps. 

I do not intend to go down into bistory as 
an ordinary President. I sball leave my 
name indelibly written upon tbe pages of 
American bistory. I am going to do things 
in tlie interest of tbe people. I care not 
wbat tbe Senators and Congressmen or tbe 
newspapers tbink or say about my violating 
tbe Constitution. If I do forget it wben 
transacting official business, wbat are tbe 
odds, so long as I do something to perpetu- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 21 

ate my name iu historj' aud aid in the wel- 
fare of my fellow-countrymen? 

I trust, my dear Senator, that you fully 
understand me and that 3'ou do not mistake 
ui}' motives in advancing certain legislation. 
Very sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 9. 

The President, in a note to his intimate 
friend in the Senate, announces to him that 
he is ijractically sure of being his party's 
candidate for a renomination, despite the 
opposition of the "Bosses." 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

I am glad you are for my nomination. It 
means that Massachusetts will now endorse 
|me. Of course, it is nearly three years be- 
fore the national convention will meet, but 



22 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

I want to make sure that not a single vote 
is lost. Some of the party "bosses" are try- 
ing to fool me. They tell me they are for 
me, and then they tell the Ohio Senator they 
will support him for the Presidency the mo- 
ment he announces his candidacy. They are 
not fooling me — they are fooling themselves. 
I know the political game from A to Z, and 
I am going to play it, and will show them 
a square deal out of a new deck of cards. 

I suspect both P and O are for 

the Ohio Senator. I must have New York, 
and I will get it in spite of any opposition. 
Wall Street does not like me, I know, but I 
will bring "The Street" around in due 

course of time. I shall invite Mr. ^l to 

lunch some day in the White House and will 
have you present. I look upon him as the 
one man who can swing the moneyed inter- 
ests of the country into my column. 

I got good news to-day from South Caro- 
lina. That State will be for my nomination. 
Since I entertained Booker at dinner I have 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. £3 

heard from thousands of colored people in 
all parts of the country, and all of them as- 
sure me of their votes. I guess I did a clever 
thing when I asked him to dine with me. I 
will get every colored vote in the United 
States at the next election. 

Come over to-morrow and box with me. 
I have invented a new blow which I want to 
illustrate to you. 

Your friend, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 10. 

The President writes the Speaker of the 
House to the effect that Congress must act 
with more haste on bills emanating from the 
White House and that delays will not be 
tolerated. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Mr. Speaker : 

What does Congress mean by holding up 
my pet measures? Here it is within thirty 



24 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

days of the end of the session and only one 
of my bills passed. Are some of the "Gray 
Wolves" in the House looking for money 
from me? If they are they will lose their 
eyesight trying to find it. If any of the bills 
that I placed in your hands for passage are 
killed you may expect to see several bolts 
of lightning escape from the White House. 

Congress has reached that stage where it 
believes that it must act upon its own ac- 
cord. This is a mistaken notion. The Ex- 
ecutive means to have this idea lost sight 
of, and he will succeed. I have sent word 
to the Senate that it must break away from 
old traditions, and the House must do like- 
wise. This government is not as it was one 
hundred years ago. 

The Declaration of Independence was 
written for our forefathers — not for the 
present time nor for the future, and the Sen- 
ate and House must act in harmony with 
me, or I shall abolish both houses and make 
the laws myself. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRHSIDENT. 25 

I am practically running the government 
alone now, and I will get along without Con- 
gress unless my bills are promptly acted 
upon and with favor. 

I trust this will be the last time I shall 
find it necessary to call your attention, Mr. 
Speaker, to the slowness which the lower 
house of Congress exercises when White 
House bills are sent to the Capitol for 
prompt passage. 

Respectfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 11. 

The President takes umbrage at the prom- 
inence an army officer is attaining in the 
public press, and says that he must not be 
in the public limelight so often. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

I am greatly annoyed at the General's ac- 
tion. He is figuring altogether too much in 



Og LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

the newspapers, thus attrarting more atten- 
tion to himself than ever before. I appear 
to be secondary. This must not be. I am 
a candidate for President, and no other man 
connected with the government service 
should attain, at this time, too great a prom- 
inence in the newspapers. I am the one 
wliom public attention should constantly be 
riveted upon, and I mean to have it so. 

I told my secretary this morning to give 
the newspaper boys a new story about my- 
self. I cut dovai four trees before breakfast 
to-day and felt bully afterwards. I ate six 
eggs, a fried chicken, four sliced oranges 
and drank three pots of coffee. Doesn't that 
augur well for me in the coming Presiden- 
tial race? They can't beat me and they 
know it. 

Sincerely, 

The President. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 27 

LETTER NO. 12. 

The President takes no action on a pro- 
test filed with him against the abolishing of 
a postoffice and sa;^s that the law is all on 
his side. 



The White House, 18—. 
Dear Governor : 

I have received your protest against my 
abolishing the Indian postoflfice and have 
read with care all you say about the law 
governing such matters. I beg leave to say 
in reply that the law is all on my side. 

You claim that a postoffice that has been 
established by law cannot be abolished by 
order of the President. I differ with you — 
the President has the power to take such 
action. What is there in the Constitution 
to prevent me from closing up the Postoffice 
in New York City if I find that there is good 
ground for my taking such a step? With 
one stroke of the pen 1 could do this. 



23 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

The great trouble with the white people 
of the South is that they dislike me because 
I have come out in favor of equal political 
rights for the negroes. I am a firm believer 
in this political doctrine, and I shall not 
swerve one iota from it, even though every 
Southern Governor. Congressman and Sen- 
ator protests against my naming the negroes 
for places they are capable of filling. 

My decision in the postoffice matter is ir- 
revocable. The people must hereafter walk 
the four miles to get their mail. 
Respectfully yours. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 13. 

The President writes his friend about the 
great ovation he received on his trip through 
the Northwest, where he captured the dele- 
gates to the National Convention from 
twelve States. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 29 

The White House, 18—. 
Dear Friend: 

As per my promise, I write to tell you 
about my trip to the great Northwest. It 
was one continual ovation from the time I 
left Washington until I returned here last 
night. I visited twelve States, and in every 
one of them I was received with wild ac- 
claim. I seemed to strike the people as 
being the ideal of red-blooded manhood. I 
made more than two hundred speeches, no 
two of which were alike, and in all I ad- 
dressed 2,569,987 people. I had my govern- 
ment enumerators with me, in order to have 
a correct count of the crowds I addressed. 

Confidentially, I made arrangements with 
the political leaders in the twelve States 
w^hereby I will have the united delegations 
from all of the twelve to the national con- 
vention. I guess that's a bad start, eh? 
What will the old political w^ar-horses think 
of that when the new^s is given out by my 
newspaper friends here? 



30 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

I souiuletl every big politician whom I 
met, and all of them said they would be for 
me three years from now. There was some 
talk of the Ohio Senator being in the race, 
but I spiked his gun when I reached the 
coast. I wired him when the Ohio State 
Convention began its sessions to the effect 
that I wanted his State to endorse me for 
the Presidency, and also to endorse my 
administration. Ordinarily this proceeding 
should have been held for one year, but I 
saw a chance to make a big stack of hay for 
myself and I did it. Ohio did as I ordered 
and I will be the only candidate in the field. 
I am dealing with some shrewd and crafty 
politicians in this game, but I will best every 
one of them before I leave the White House. 

When you find time come to the White 
ITcmse and we will have a private talk over 
the political outlook. 

Sincerely your friend. 

The President. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 3]^ 

LETTER NO. 14. 

The President spikes the guns of his only 
rival for the Presidential nomination and 
writes that he now has a clear track for a 
second term. 



The White House, 18—. 
Dear Senator: 

The Ohio Senator has just left the White 
House, after promising me faithfully that 
he will not enter the Presidential contest. 
I made the direct personal request to him 
when we had reached the cigars after our 
very elaborate dinner. I told him in plain 
language that I was out for a renomination, 
and as I had the entire government machine 
behind me there was no use for any other 
man attempting to capture the nomination. 
I finally brought him around to my way of 
thinking. 

Our friend told me that the moneyed men 



32 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

of the country, thousands of business firms 
and the vast railroad interests were for his 
nomination, and he was in duty bound to 
listen to their appeals. We argued over the 
matter for three hours, and when I de- 
manded to know where he would stand he 
asked what I intended to do about some 
Ohio appointments which I knew he was 
deeply interested in. I told him that I had 
received many petitions to appoint the men 
whom his political enemy endorsed. This 
caused him to ponder over the Presidential 
question, and a compromise was made. I 
agreed to appoint his friends to office and 
he agreed to keep out of my way on the Pres- 
idential track. The whip was in my hand 
all of the time and I used it to good effect. 
I disposed of my most formidable rival for 
the Presidency in short order. 

The next national convention will be sim- 
ply a ratification meeting. Every delegate 
there will be for me from first to last. I 
shall look for you at the dinner party to- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 33 

morrow evening. Before the dinner my 
guests will be taken to the gymnasium, 
where I will don the gloves with the Pro- 
fessor and afterwards will wrestle the 
"Turkish Lion," best three out of five falls. 
The Turk is a hard nut to crack, but I am 
confident of defeating him. The contest will 
be a warm one, so be sure and reach the 
White House in time to witness the bouts. 
I did twelve miles of road work this morning 
to condition myself for the contests. 
Cordially yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 15. 

The President accepts gift of an Asiatic 
lion and incidentally refers in letter to a 
friend in the Far East that his Cabinet is 
the greatest any President ever selected. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Colonel : 

I was delighted to hear from you. Many 



34 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

thanks for the lion. He is certainly a fine 
specimen. He looks pretty much like the 
one I shot in the back on our hunt in the 
Rockies a number of years ago. I orderecl 
my Zoo keeper to take charge of your gift 
and he will be given the best of care. Since 
your last visit to Washington I have built 
a new zoo in the rear of the White House, 
where I keep all of the animals I have re- 
ceived from friends abroad and in this coun- 
try. My Consul General to Zanzi])ar re- 
cently shipped me the largest elephant in 
the world. He is taller than Jumbo. I have 
named him "Czar." I had an elephant house 
built back of the Zoo, and there "Czar" will 
be kept for a few years. I have four big ele- 
phants and Congress on my hands. Con- 
gress is of far more annoyance to me than 
the elephants. 

I am glad you like the new Cabinet. The 
newspapers are praising my selections. The 
general opinion is that my Cabinet is the 
strongest any President ever had. Mj Sec- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 35 

retary of State is the ablest iu the history 
of the country. My Secretary of War is the 
best man who ever occupied that place. My 
Secretary of the Navy is the brainiest man 
ever called to fill that post. My other Sec- 
retaries are very able men and are unmatch- 
able. My private secretary is the most 
skilled diplomat in the government employ. 
My other employees are brilliant men and 
render faithful service to me. I have been 
given credit by the press for gathering 
brainy men around me. That is what I de- 
termined to do when I picked out my Cabi- 
net and the thousands of other men who fill 
other positions. 

My Zoo is without any specimens of the 
Asiatic cow. If you find one see that it is 
sent to me here. I am also making a study 
of fleas and find it quite interesting. After 
I began the study it got to be a popular 
craze in the United States. I want to add 
to my collection of fleas some from Asia, 
and wish you would send me over a box by 



3(J LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

tlie next steamer. Hoping 3-ou are enjoying 
the climate there, and with fond regai'ds, 
I am 

Very sincerely yours, 

The PREf^IDENT. 



LETTEK NO. 16. 

The President informs the Senate that it 
is not within its province^, to make agree- 
ments with foreign nations, but rliat the 
matter rests with the Chief Executive. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

The Senate can do as it pleases with the 
treat}'. I stand now where I have always 
stood on such questions. I believe the word 
"Agreement" is preferable to tlie word 
"Treaty." The Senate holds firmly to the 
position that conventions betA\een the 
United States and foreign countries must 
be ratified by tliat body — the President not 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. gj 

being allowed to be the final judge in such 
instances. 

The Senate takes the wrong view. The 
President is the one to make agreements 
with foreign nations. I do not believe that 
the advice or consent of the Senate should 
be sought. So long as I am President I in- 
tend following out this policy. 

Tell the members of the Committee on 
Foreign Ivelations that there is no use of 
their trying to convince me that their posi- 
tion is the correct one. I do not think it is, 
and tell them plainly that they are entirely 
wrong. 

I do not care the snap of my finger what 
they do with the treaty. I will not allow 
the word "Agreement" to be changed to 
"Treaty," and I reserve for myself the right 
to conduct negotiations with any foreign 
nation upon any matter, regardless of what 
the Senate holds to be its rights and privi- 
leges. 

I am glad that you and the Wisconsin Sen- 



38 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

ator have made up. 1 need him as a politi- 
cal friend. 

Sincerely yours, 

The Tresident. 



LETTER NO. 17. 

The President chafes under the delay ex- 
ercised by the Senate in the treaty matter 
and threatens to u;o before that body and 
in a speech demand the ratification of the 
agreement he wants to carry out. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator: 

T am not goinp; to tolerate any further de- 
lay upon the part of the Senate in the treaty 
matter. I want it passed just as I wrote it — 
not one word or phrase changcHl. In our 
talk last evening in the White House I told 
you that I wanted you to press the resolu- 
tion to passage without delay. Do it. 

If necessary I will exercise my jireroga- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 39 

tive and go to the Senate and demand that 
the Senators pass the treaty. I shall tell 
them in very plain language that the people 
are with me and that Congress must obey 
my orders. 

Let not the Senators get the idea that 
they are the government. I am the govern- 
ment and they must do as I order. The peo- 
ple in their wisdom delegated the Senators 
to go to Washington and carry out the 
wishes of the President in all matters per- 
taining to popular government, and if they 
have to be told so I will address the Sena- 
tors, telling them why they are in the upper 
house of Congress. 

I am carefully watching the treaty, and 
if it is not pushed to a vote within twenty- 
four hours I will go to the Capitol and will 
demand that the Senate carry out my policy. 

Telephone me any time. Keep me posted. 
Faithfully yours, 

The President. 



\ 



40 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PllESlDENT. 

LETTEK NO. 18. 

The President, desiriiii; to perforui a great 
political coup dc cUit, orders his Commis- 
sioner of pensions to let down the pension 
bars and give the old soldiers |G0,000,000 in 
pensions. 



The AVhite House, 18—. 
Dear Mr. Secretary : 

I think the time is ripe for performing a 
political masterstroke, and I now empower 
you to let down the pension bars in so far 
as the age limit is concerned. This pension 
order will take about |G0,000,000 out of the 
Treasury, but no matter what the amount 
may be, I must have it released, as the cam- 
paign will soon be upon us, and the veterans 
are an important factor in the election. This 
order will bring them into line squarely and 
firmly for me. 

There is no need for the sanction of Con- 
gress to carry out my orders. I will make 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 4]^ 

the announcement public to-morrow 
throughout the land, and it will then be left 
to you to do the rest. Heretofore Congress 
has exercised too much power over your de- 
partment. Under my administration that 
branch of the government has been reduced 
to a small and unimportant factor, and in 
the future have no worry about what Mem- 
bers of Congress say to you about the Execu- 
tive overstepping his bounds in the Pension 
Office. 

I appointed you to office, Congress did not, 
and I believe you are fully cognizant of the 
fact that things are moving differently in 
Washington since I became President. I 
want my office-holders to look to me for 
their orders — not to Congress. 

I learned that the chairman of the Pen- 
sion Committee has been applying to you for 
ten appointments in the Department of Pen- 
sion Examiners. Give him one appointment. 
I will name the other nine next week. Let 
me know how many vacancies you have in 



42 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

your department by the first of the week. 
My friends are crowding me for offices and 
I want to fill them several weeks before the 
election. 

Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTEK NO. 19. 

The President serves notice that he will 
order a constructive recess, so that the 
friends whom he appointed to office can be 
paid for the unimaginable time they served 
in office. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

I had overlooked the matter you wrote to 
me about yesterday, but I have solved that 
problem. I think as you do about paying 
the salaries of the men whom I appointed to 
Federal offices "in the unimaginable inter- 
val without the advice or consent of the Sen- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 43 

ate," to use the phrase used by the Alabama 
Senator. 

I will order a constructive recess on Sat- 
urday and then the salary question will be 
finally settled. At the next session of Con- 
gress a bill can be introduced paying the 
salaries of the Senators and Congress for 
the unimaginable session, and by letting the 
leaders in both houses know this I tliink they 
will vote to pay the salaries of my ap- 
pointees. 

I consider this a very important part of 
the programme at tlie present session, and 
I wish you would be as speedy as possible in 
jamming it through. The newspapers and 
some of the older members of the Senate, 
who stand on "Senatorial Dignity" alone, 
will oppose my plans bitterly, but we will 
win out. 

I received a call this morning from your 
friend from Lynn. He finds some opposi- 
tion to me in the Republican ranks in that 
city. When you go to that section I wish 



44 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

you would lix luattd's up, and if 3'ou think 
a few Consulships, wisely distributed, would 
bridge everything over, wire lue aud I will 
announce the appointments of those agreed 
upon. We must have harmony in our ranks 
everywhere, and more olliles will be created 
if it is found necessary to appease the angry 
ones. 

Faithfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER XO. 20. 

The President writes to a friend in Utica 
telling him how great the country has grown 
since he took the oath of office as President. 



Dear Friend : 

I am always glad to receive a letter from 
you. I have instructed my Secretary of 
Mails that when he runs across a letter post- 
marked ^'Utica" to place it on the top of my 
letters, so that it will l)e the first read. I 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 45 

have studied your views on national ques- 
tions closely and am pleased to know that 
you admire the way I am managing the gov- 
ernment. 

When I became President I decided to 
make a mark for myself. I think the nation 
began to get great after I took the oath of 
office. I certainly have heard very encour- 
aging reports, which indicate clearly to me 
that the people have absolute confidence in 
my judgment. I want to see my country the 
greatest on earth, and I mean to make it 
such. 

I am bothering Congress as little as pos- 
sible about the state of the Union. The cur- 
rency, the tariff, the revenues, taxation and 
other minor matters are all outside of my 
sphere. What 1 am doing is of more mo- 
ment. I intend to build the largest navy 
known in the world's history. When I leave 
the Presidential chair I will have more than 
three thousand first-class cruisers in the 
navy. I believe that it is of more impor- 



4(5 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

tance to have a great navy built than to be 
worrying over the tariff question for several 
sessions of Congress. The people have 
grown tired of tariif debates in this coun- 
try, and I have dropped that and the cur- 
rency question for good. I believe in devis- 
ing ways and means of spending the govern- 
ment money and getting it into general cir- 
culation. 

I thank you for the promise of support in 
the next national campaig-u. It is a long 
ways off, but I am building my fences daily 
and I see no Presidential candidate in sight 
who will be able to leap any of them. 

With kind regards and best wishes, I am 
Your friend. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 21. 

The President announces that he is going 
to ha^e Congress enact a law empowering 
him to appoint a bill collector for the bene- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 47 

fit of other nations who have bills against 
South American rejjublics. 



My Dear Senator : 

The turn affairs have taken in the South 
American republics leads me to the conclu- 
sion that a bill had better be drawn up at 
once and introduced in the Senate without 
delay providing for the establishment of a 
Collection Agency for the benefit of the Eu- 
ropean Powers. This country could collect 
all of the debts due the Powers. If neces- 
sary, we would send one of our powerful 
fleets down there and force collection. 

I am becoming impatient. These South 
American countries must pay their bills. 
They owe every foreign nation and should 
be compelled to pay up. We are at peace 
with the world at large now, but a little 
brush in South American waters would re- 
lieve the monotony of things, and I would 
welcome something of that kind. 

I have set my mind on having a law passed 



48 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

allowing the President to appoint a Bill Col- 
lector for European Powers, and 1 hope the 
measure I refer to will be drawn up at once 
and passed. I say this because I liave as- 
signed the job to a personal friend of mine 
from South Dakota. He is well fitted for 
the job. He is a good shot. 
I will look for speedy action. 
Yours very truly, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 22. 

The President orders his navj' to assemble 
at Clam Bay for the edification of a few 
friends whom he desires to entertain. He 
regrets that the navy is too small now, but 
promises a much larger one. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Mr. Secretary : 

Next week I shall leave for Clara Bay. I 
"will be awav from ^Vashin^•ton until the lat- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 49 

ter part of October. I am going to invite a 
few personal friends to mj country home 
the first week in July, and I want you to 
have the entire navy assemble in Clam Bay. 

I will review the entire fleet at that time. 
I will be complying with my own wishes 
and at the same time my friends will have 
the distinguished honor of seeing my navy 
on parade. 

Send word out to-morrow to the com- 
manders of the squadrons that are now in 
the Caribbean Sea and in Cuban waters to 
proceed north and prepare for the review 
at Clam Bay. 

Next year I hope to see a larger navy in 
this country. The Senate killed the naval 
bill, but when I return from Clam Bay I 
shall give an order for five hundred new 
battle ships. Our navy is not half large 
enough, and I am somewhat ashamed of hav- 
ing my friends see such a small number pass 
in review at Clam Bay in July. The next 
review I will order they will witness a 



50 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

fleet of warships that will be a credit to a 
nation like this. 

Respectfully, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 23. 

The President contrasts liis administra- 
tion with those of other American Presi- 
dents and says that no President has had 
to face the great problems that have con- 
fronted him. 



The White House, IS—. 
My Dear Mason : 

I have received the newspaper clipping 
you kindly sent me in wliich you refer to me 
as "The Greatest President in the history of 
the United States." It was very good of you 
to go to the trouble to have the editor print 
such a long interview. I have ordered my 
private secretary to wire the editor for one 
hundred thousand copies of the paper con- 
taining your interview, and I will have them 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^ 

distributed where they will do the most 
good. It is the best article about myself I 
have seen in print. 

That part of the interview relating to 
Washington, Jefferson, Monroe and Lincoln 
impressed me very much. You take the stand 
that other Presidents did not have to face 
the problems I have had to face. In this 
statement you sum up the entire situation 
in American history. No President has had 
to deal with the problems that I have had 
to handle. I have made no mistakes — that 
is agreed to by all the leading newspapers in 
the United States. The Boston Herald, one 
of the ablest newspapers in the country, re- 
gards me as the greatest President in all 
history. That is praise worth striving for. 

My people give me credit for honesty of 
purpose, sincerity and wise and sound judg- 
ment. My people also know that I want to 
give every man an honest deal. Many of the 
Presidents of the United States were fakirs. 
They mapped out certain things in order to 



52 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

catch the votes of the people. Previous to 
campaigns they would make a big splurge 
for the purpose of winning votes. I have 
never "played to the galleries" and I never 
shall. The people are with me and I believe 
I can stay in the White House a.s long as I 
want to. I intend to have but three terms as 
President, when I shall resign in favor of 
some man who will handle the affairs of 
government like myself. 

With many thanks for your kind expres- 
sions, I am 

Sincerely' your friend, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 24. 

The President writes the Japanese- Ameri- 
can Society regretting his inability to at- 
tend its annual dinner. Says that he can 
trace his ancestry back to a famous Japa- 
nese family. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 53 

The White House, 18—. 
Secretary Japanese- American Society, 

San Francisco, Cal. 
My Dear Sir : 

I should like very much indeed to attend 
your annual banquet on April 1, but I made 
a positive engagement for that clay some 
time ago and I cannot break it. Otherwise 
I would gladly journey to the Golden Gate 
to participate in the celebration you are 
planning. 

In tracing my genealogy some time ago I 
discovered that our family is connected with 
the well-known Japanese family of General 
Oss, who fought so gallantly in the war with 
Kussia. I learned that the family of Gen- 
eral Oss originally came from Ireland. The 
Irish name was Ossory. They are descend- 
ants of the Prince of Ossory. When they 
settled in Japan they dropped a portion of 
their name and used only the first three let- 
ters. My research, I can assure you, afforded 
me much pleasure. 



54 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

Present my coin])lim('iit.s to the members 
of your society and tell them how deeply I 
regret not being able to accept the invita- 
tion. 

Respectfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 25. 

The President gives his views on "Muscu- 
lar Christianity" and advocates the starting 
of gymnasiums in connection with Sunday- 
schools. 



My Dear Bishop : 

It affords me great pleasure to give you 
my views on "Muscular Christianity." It 
is indeetl a high honor to have so distin- 
guished a churchman as yourself call upon 
me for an opinion on such a subject. 

For many years I have been of the belief 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 55 

that our cliurclies do uot give the attention 
they should to the young people. Our 
Sunday-schools are not filled up. What is 
the reason? One way of keeping the chil- 
dren's attention on the church is to have 
gymnasiums fitted up in the halls or base- 
ments of the buildings attached to the 
churches. The girls and boys should be 
taught to develop their minds and bodies at 
the same time. Teach the young to defend 
themselves when called upon. 

You can popularize your church by hav- 
ing boxing academies attached to the hall 
where the classes assemble on Sunday and 
week days for exercises. Have a well-known 
boxing instructor teach the boys how to box. 
Have a woman instructor placed in charge 
of the girls. After the regular lessons the 
classes could disperse to the gymnasiums, 
where they could follow up the training of 
the mind with a lesson in muscular develop- 
ment. In this way you will add to the inter- 
est in your church. In the summer time I 



56 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

would have a shootiug gallery built on the 
lawn back of the academy hall, and the stu- 
dents should be taught target-shooting. Put 
these plans into operation, my dear Bishop, 
and you will quickly learn that "^luscular 
Christianity" is popular. 

Faithfully yours. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 26. 

The President tells of his intention to ap- 
point as a member of the Cabinet a ikmv 
official to be known as "Secretary of An- 
thropology," and urges that better stock be 
raised in the United States. 



jMy Dear Doctor: 

I thank you for your kind letter of the 
10th inst., in which you coiignitulute ine 
upon the vigorous stand I have taken on tke 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 57 

marriage question. I am pleased to note 
that you like the suggestion I am about to 
make to the Senate and House that a new 
department in government be created to be 
devoted to human culture. I am going to 
have the new Cabinet officer called "The 
Secretary of Anthropology." 

I believe the new department in our gov- 
ernment is needed. I was the first person 
in the United States to call the attention of 
our people to the necessity of having more 
and better babies born, and I am in receipt 
of thousands of letters such as you have 
written thanking me for the position I have 
taken. 

The Senate and House will undoubtedly 
enact the new law at this session. Then I 
will go ahead and establish the bureau. 
There will be several departments under the 
jurisdiction of the President and his new 
Cabinet officer, and I intend making you 
Secretary of Stirpiculture. It will be your 
duty to see that ideas are promulgated on 



58 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

how to have better stock in the United 
States. 

The vast majority of women in this coun- 
try are with me on this question, and from 
the way the papers are treating it I look for 
helpful assistance from the fair sex in the 
coming Presidential campaign. Keep agi- 
tating the creation of the new government 
department, as it will mean the employment 
of at least five thousand more scientific men 
and women by the government. These new 
officials will be selected after the election in 
November. Believe me to be 
Faithfully yours. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 27. 

The President issues invitations to a 
"Glove Shower" at the White House, and 
urges his friend not to miss the novel social 
function. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 59 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Doctor : 

I will be delighted to have you numbered 
among my guests at the White House on 
Friday evening next, when I will entertain 
two hundred friends at a "Glove Shower." 
It will be in the nature of an innovation at 
the National Capitol, and I shall not accept 
a declination from you. The affair will be 
entirely "stag," and among my guests will 
be friends from New York, Albany, Brook- 
lyn, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Kichmond. 
All of the Cabinet officers and the head of 
the National Academy of Physical Culture 
will be present. 

The "Glove Shower" will be the first ever 
given in this country. I have engaged two 
of the best-known middle-weight boxers in 
the country to furnish the piece de resist- 
ance of the evening. There will be two pre- 
liminary contests of ten rounds each. In 
the final will appear Joe Olcott, the colored 
champion at 145 pounds, and "Twin" Mur- 



(;() LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

jiliy, acknowlodoed to have no superior 
among white men at the middle-weight 
limit. Olcott is a splendid fighter and it is 
a delight to witness his footwork. My box- 
ing professor will act as referee. The rules 
of the National Sporting Club of London 
will prevail, the referee appearing in even- 
ing dress and judging the points from out- 
side of the ring. The contests will take place 
in the White House stables, where I have 
ordered built the regulation 24-fcot ring. 
At the end of the evening's sport there will 
be a reception in honor of the victorious 
boxer and lunch will be seiTed. Hoping to 
have the pleasure of your company on Fri- 
day evening, and with kind regards, I am 
Sincerely jours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 28. 

The President gives good reasons why the 
"Presidential Preserve Bill" should be 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, g^ 

passed and a buuting grounds for the Chief 
Executive of the Nation be established in 
the State of Texas. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

I have prepared the "Presidential Pre- 
serve Bill," and when you find time I wish 
you would run up to the White House and 
we will discuss it during our luncheon. I 
think it meets all of the requirements. 

I have always been stoutly in favor of hav- 
ing this government lay aside, say, 100,000 
acres of land for a suitable place where the 
President and his intimate friends could 
hunt, fish, and ride horseback, without being 
subjected to the gaze of the populace. I am 
very anxious about the bill I have prepared 
and will carefully watch its progress in both 
houses. My idea is to have the "Presiden- 



(jO LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

tial Preserve*' set aside iu the State of 
Texas, and have it stocked with all kinds of 
wild animals and the streams filled with 
plenty of gamey fish. 

If the bill is passed I shall send my Com- 
missioner of Wild Animals to Asia, Africa 
and Australia for the purpose of purchasing 
a choice supply of animals for the "Presi- 
dential Preserve." During my term of office 
I will not be able to hunt in the Preserve 
every year, but future Presidents will have 
a chance of exercising their marksmanship, 
and will derive all kinds of sport from their 
visit to the Presidential Hunting Grounds, 
which will be stocked, upon my order, with 
elephants, tigers, lions, mountain lions, 
bears, buffaloes, hyenas, and the largest ba- 
boons to be found in the South American 
countries. 

I do not look for any opposition to the 
bill, as the expense involved in establishing 
the preserve and stocking it throughout 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. (33 

would not be over |3,000,000. I believe my 

people will agree to the passage of this bill. 

Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 29. 

The President writes the Kaiser regard- 
ing the unveiling of a statue in Washington 
to an illustrious German warrior and sets 
the date for its unveiling on his birthday. 



The White House, 18—. 
His Majesty the Kaiser, 

Pottsdam, Germany. 
Your Majesty : 

I voice the sentiments of 80,000,000 peo- 
ple and of every American newspaper when 
I say to you that the gift to this country of 
a bronze statue of the illustrious German 
warrior would be very acceptable, and 



g4 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDEXT. 

would be the means of aiding to a large ex- 
tent in cementing the friendship between 
two great world-powers. 

In reply to your question as to what day 
would be most acceptable for the unveiling 
of the statue, I would suggest that the cere- 
mony take place on the anniversary of my 
birth. I will be in AYashington that day 
and will participate in the ceremonies. 

Your illustrious predecessor will rank for 
all time with Alexander the Great, Csesar, 
Napoleon and Hannibal, and it is the one ob- 
ject of my term as President to see that 
statues of those great warriors are erected 
in Washington. 

The kind reference you make to my war 
record is deeply appreciated. I shall feel 
well compensated if I have the friendship 
of such illustrious men as yourself. When 
I am gone and ages from now my people 
erect a statue of me in the Capitol City of 
this nation, alongside of your illustrious 
countryman, Ciesar, Hamilton, Napoleon 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. g5 

and Alexander the Great, I shall feel that I 
have not lived in vain, and that my terms as 
President were fraught with some little 
good to the American people. 
With profound respect. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 30. 

The President tells his old friend "Bat" 
that he wants his support in carrying the 
Mountain States and promises him a posi- 
tion as United States Marshal as a reward 
for his labors. 



The White House, 18—. 
Dear "Bat" : 

I was pleased at what you said in the let- 
ter you sent me from Cripple Creek. You 
know me well enough to know that I am 
very anxious to have the support of the 



QQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDEXT. 

Mountain States in the next national con- 
vention. You can aid me to a great extent 
in obtaining this support. You are well 
known and popular in that section of the 
country and can do me a lot of good. I wish 
you would continue working along the lines 
indicated in your last letter. 

There is not the slightest doubt about my 
nomination. I have brushed aside lightly 
all possible opposition and I know that there 
will be but one ballot taken. 

Get all of the boys in line. I will do the 
right thing. After I am elected I will take 
care of them. As for you, I have in mind 
making you a United States marshal. Your 
reputation will be greatly enhanced after 
my election, as you will get the credit of 
having helped to carry some of the ^lountain 
States for the ticket. Then, after I have ap- 
pointed you marshal, you can enter upon 
your duties like a conquering hero. I hope 
to hear more good news from you at an 
early date. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. QJ 

Give my compliments to our mutual 
friend ''Tliree-Fingered Jack" Dolin. If 
you should head for the East previous to 
the election, stop off in Washington and 
take lunch with me. 

Your friend, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 31. 



The President, in writing about the ap- 
proaching election, says that he will receive 
the largest majority ever given a candidate 
for that high office. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

I know you believe as I do about the elec- 
tion that will occur next November — I will 
win by the largest majority ever given to an 
American President. I am writing to make 



f,8 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

a suggestion. You are about to make a tour 
of the West. I have not yet picked the can- 
didate for Vice-President, and the thought 
occurred to me a few minutes ago about ask- 
ing the Lincoln statesman to accept second 
place. There are good reasons for his do- 
ing so. 

He and I think alike on many matters. 
We are in accord on railroad legislation and 
also on the curbing of the trusts. It would 
not be imj)ossible for him to accept the Vice- 
Presidency. Suppose you see him when you 
are in that vicinity and get his views on the 
subject of running for Vice-President. I 
would be delighted to have him as a running 
mate. We would be elected, of course, and 
he would be the logical candidate for Presi- 
dent to succeed me. 

I would like to see our friend my successor 
in the White House, and if you can persuade 
him to accept the Vice-Presidential nomina- 
tion I will feel under great obligations to 
you. You are at liberty to make whatever 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. gQ 

use of this letter you see fit in your conver- 
sation with him. Present my compliments 
to the distinguished statesman and assure 
him of my good will. 

I hope 3^our mission will be a fruitful one. 
Let me know by wire when you reach Lin- 
coln. 

Sincerely, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 32. 

The President draws a bill abolishing the 
"Congressional Kecord" and substituting in 
its place the "White House Bulletin," in 
which will appear only news about bills 
signed or vetoed by the President. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Mr. Speaker: 

I enclose herewith a copy of a bill entitled 
"An Act to Abolish the Congressional Rec- 



70 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

ord" and substitute in its place the publica- 
tion to be known as the "Official White 
House Bulletin." 

Please see that the bill is introduced by 
our mutual friend from New York, Mr. S — . 
Have him put the bill in on Friday. Push 
it through to final passage without delay. 
Let there be no debate on it, either in com- 
mittee or when it comes up before the com- 
mittee of the whole. 

I believe the Congressional Record has 
outlived its usefulness. It should have been 
abolished years ago. It serves no other pur- 
pose than to furnish reading on dull days 
to the loungers in the country postoffices 
and country grocery stores. 

My idea is to have in "The Official White 
House Bulletin" matters of importance to 
the people at large — such as my proclama- 
tions, my appointments, my messages to the 
Senate and House, and a list of the measures 
passed which I approved and those passed 
which I vetoed. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, 7;[ 

The passage of the bill I enclose for the 
sanction of the House and Senate will put 
an effective stop on the overflow of Congres- 
sional oratory, and, as I will censor every 
line of news that appears in "The White 
House Bulletin," the public will not be 
called upon to question anything that may 
appear in that publication. 

I will be greatly obliged to you, my dear 
Mr. Speaker, if you will have the bill passed 
and hurried to the Senate. 

Respectfully, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 33. 

The President, writing to his army friend, 
tells him not to have any misgivings about 
his confirmation by the Senate, as that mat- 
ter has been attended to by the President. 



72 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear General : 

Your last letter would indicate that you 
have some misgivings about the Senate con- 
firming 3-our nomination. Let that not 
trouble you. You will be confirmed. When 
I send a nomination to the Senate it has got 
to be confirmed. There may be a delay, but 
in the end the man's place is given him. 

I have always been of the opinion that this 
mode of procedure — having a Presidential 
nomination confirmed or rejected by the 
Senate — is a silly one. I am going to have 
that law changed at the next session of Con- 
gress. In fact I have prepared several 
amendments to the Constitution tliat I will 
have passed. When they are made laws these 
tedious delays in Presidential nominations 
and in other matters will be obviated. I 
shall take all of the starch out of the Con- 
stitution before I leave the White House. 

No, my dear General, have no fears about 
vour nomination. I have ordered a line-up 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 73 

in the Senate for next Tuesday, and I am 
safe in saying that you will be confirnied on 
that day. There may be some attempts to 
balk, but I am getting the old truck horses 
in the Senate broken to the new sets of har- 
ness that I have made for them, and you will 
be confirmed without another week's delay. 
I hope you are well. Kind regards. 
Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 34. 

The President makes known his intention 
to attend the annual Ghost Dance given on 
the Onondaga Reservation, and says that he 
looks forward to having a glorious time. 



The ^Yhite House, 18—. 
Chief Owishaway, Onondaga Reservation. 
My Dear Chief : 

I intend to go to Syracuse for your annual 
Ghost Dance on the 17th of October. When 
I was in the Bad Lands in the Far West I 



74 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

traveled hundreds of miles to witness the 
annual Ghost Dance and Corn Eoast by the 
Sioux Indians, and I derived a vast amount 
of fun and pleasure from what I witnessed. 
I am looking forward to your annual festi- 
val with much glee. 

I suppose you have read in some of the 
newspapers about my being a descendant of 
one of the famous Indian chiefs who settled 
in the Mohawk Valley soon after the discov- 
ery of the Hudson River by the man whose 
name it bears. I point with pride to the 
fact that there is a little Indian blood in me. 
It has helped me materially in the battles 
that I have had to fight during my eventful 
life. 

I will notify you later about the time of 
my arrival in Syracuse so that you can have 
the Indian band at the depot to greet and 
welcome me. I hope you will whoop things 
up at the reservation the day I am there. 
Your friend, 

The President. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 75 

LETTER NO. 35. 

The President writes a millionaire friend 
suggesting that he give five hundred thou- 
sand dollars to the President to be used in 
building an artificial lake in the rear of the 
White House, where the Chief Executive can 
indulge in his favorite exercise. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Andy : 

You are certainly doing a noble work in 
distributing your money in the lavish way 
you are, each gift being characterized by 
good sense and a desire to aid humanity. I 
am pleased to give my endorsement to the 
laudable object you have in mind, and in 
this connection I have a suggestion to make. 

Ever since I have occupied the Presiden- 
tial chair I have been able to indulge in all 
forms of exercise excepting rowing. That 
is one of my favorite pastimes, and it seems 



7(5 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

to me if YOU would like to get rid of about 
$500,000 at this time you could unload it in 
no better way than by giving that sum to 
the President, with the understanding that 
he is to use it in building near the White 
House an artificial lake for the exclusive use 
of the President and his guests. 

I expect to spend several years at the 
White House, and I would be delighted to 
have an artificial lake about five miles long 
near my home, where I could indulge in my 
favorite exercise daily. I would consent to 
having the lake bear your name in honor of 
the handsome gift of money. On the open- 
ing day I would have a regatta, with fire- 
works in the evening, and I would deliver an 
address. 

I hope and trust you will give this matter 
some thought and reflection, and if you 
should decide to grant the request I will 
have work on the artificial lake begun at 
once. I would donate the sum necessary to 
build it, but I am a poor man and cannot 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 77 

afford to give away |500,000. If the Presi- 
dential Increase Bill is passed I may see my 
way clearly to donate one-half of the money 
needed. 

I will be pleased to receive an early re- 
sponse. Believe me to be 

Very sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTEPv NO. 36. 

The President informs the Undertakers' 
Union that he will not ride on the three rail- 
roads boycotted by that union and will make 
his journey West in stage coaches. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Mr. President: 

I have received the report of Undertakers' 
Union, No. 1, in which I am requested to not 
ride upon any of the three railroads which 



78 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

have been boycotted by your union. I as- 
sure you that I will lose no time in comply- 
ing with the request. 

I have always been a great believer in the 
boycott. There is no more effective way of 
bringing employers to time than through 
this medium. When you union men have a 
strong grievance against the employers, al- 
ways resort to the boycott and you will win. 
It is the greatest club in the hands of the 
unionists. 

I am delighted that you have taken the 
action you have against the three railroads. 
I received three passes over one of the boy- 
cotted lines this afternoon, but I shall send 
them back. When I go on my Western tour 
I will travel by stages instead of by rail. 
It will be somewhat out of the ordinary for 
a President to travel in a stage coach to 
Yankton, but no matter. I have the satis- 
faction of knowing that I will be doing 
something in the interest of union labor, 
which is very dear to my heart. I have been 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 79 

a union man all my life, having been the 
founder and first president of Ranchmen's 
Union, No. 1, of Sage City. I have my union 
card hung in a conspicuous place in my Cab- 
inet room. 

So, you see, you have a friend in the Presi- 
dential chair. Again, I repeat that so long 
as Undertakers' Union, No. 1, of New York 
has a boycott on the three railroads specified 
in your resolution neither myself nor any 
member of the government service will ride 
on any of the lines. When the boycott is 
lifted we may then consider riding over their 
roads when we have to. 

Assure every member of your union what 
deep interest I am taking in their fight. I 
donate |100 to the fund to aid the unem- 
ployed members, and beg leave to subscribe 
myself, 

Your fellow unionist, 

The President. 



§0 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

LETTER XO. 37. 

The President writes an article for a 
health magazine and tells how he became 
the strongest President who ever sat in the 
Presidential chair. 



The White House, 18—. 
Editor Health Magazine: 

I gladly comply with your request for a 
short article from my pen on "How to Be- 
come Strong." I have made this question a 
life study and have settled it to my own per- 
sonal satisfaction. When I started out to 
become President of the United States I said 
I would make it my business to make myself 
the strongest President this country has ever 
known. It is one thing to get strong and 
another thing to keep strong. I have man- 
aged to maintain my strength. I exercise a 
great deal. My daily programme is as fol- 
lows : 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. gl 

Arise at 5 A.M. Take a cold plunge and 
swim in the tank for thirty minutes. 

At 6 — Do a ten-mile walk in the country. 
A.fterwards have a strong man rub me dotvn 
vigorously. 

At 7 — Box for twenty minutes with my 
Professor of Boxing and Physical Culture. 
After the drying off prepare for breakfast. 

At 8 — Breakfast. ]V[y morning meal con- 
sists of oatmeal, six soft-boiled eggs, an Eng- 
lish mutton chop, six slices of buttered toast, 
creamed potatoes and two pots of coffee. 

After breakfast I smoke two black cigars 
while attending to receiving reports from 
my ministers and Cabinet officers. 

In the afternoon at four I take a twenty- 
mile ride on horseback. The ride over, I 
wrestle with five men, throwing each of them 
inside of an hour. Then I fence with my 
Italian fencing professor. Afterwards I box 
twenty rounds with my Secretary of War. 
I then play croquet for twenty minutes. 
This is folloAved by a game of golf on the 



g2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

AVhite House links. I never exhaust myself 
in one day, remembering that I have to-mor- 
row to follow out the same programme. I 
eat four meals a day, the principal one con- 
sisting of a double porterhouse steak, 
French fried potatoes, asparagus, peas, spin- 
ach, corn on the cob, chicken salad, lettuce, 
cucumbers and tomatoes mixed, bread pud- 
ding, edam cheese and coffee. 

Finally : To be strong, use your strength 
continually and don't overeat. That is my 
advice. 

Fai til fully, 

The President. 



LETTER XO. 38. 

The President writes an Italian Society, 
promising to address them in (lieir native 
tonji'ue on Garibaldi da v. lie traces his an- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. §3 

cestry back and finds that there is some Ital- 
ian blood in his veins. 



The White House, 18—. 
Secretary Garibaldi Society_, 

Chicago, 111. 
Dear Sir: 

If it is possible for me to do so I shall be 
present when your society celebrates the 
natal day of one of the greatest Italians of 
modern times. At the present writing I am 
of the opinion that I will attend. JMy speech 
will be delivered in Italian. 

In conversation with a leading Italian- 
American the other day I recalled the fact 
that I am connected with the Italian race, 
my great-great-great grandfathei''s fifty- 
fourth cousin having been an Italian, He 
lived on the Island of Capri, in the Mediter- 
ranean Sea, and published the War Gazette. 

Please convey this bit of information to 



g4 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

the members of your society previous to my 
attending the dinner. 

Sincerely yours, 

TuE President. 



LETTER NO. 39. 

The President accepts an invitation from 
an Irish society to address them in Gaelic 
and prides in the fact that he is a descend- 
ant of an old Irish famil3\ 



The White House, 18—. 
Secretary Friendly Fathers of St. Pat- 
rick. 
Dear Sir : 

It affords me a great deal of pleasure to 
accept the kind invitation to address your 
society on March 17. Nothing shall prevent 
me from attending the celebration. I shall 
speak in Gaelic. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. §5 

If my memory serves me well, I will be 
the second President of the United States 
to address your society — George Washing- 
ton was the other President to honor your 
society with his presence. Of course, there 
was no Irish blood in Washington's veins. 
I am proud to say that I can trace my ances- 
try back to the O'Moyles, who inhabited Ire- 
land long before the coming of Christianity 
to that famous and beloved land. For that 
and many other good reasons I am delighted 
to accept this kind invitation to address 
your society on St. Patrick's Day. 

Believe me to be 

Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 40. 

The President writes the Kaiser that they 
are regarded as the two greatest rulers on 



§(3 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

earth and that their views are similar on 
all great public questions of the day. 



The White House, 18—. 
His Imperial Majesty the Kaiser, 

Berlin, Germany. 
Your Majesty : 

Your representative has conveyed to me 
your cordial message of the 1st inst. The 
sentiments you express please me very much. 
I do not til ink you are stretching the truth 
when you say that you and I are the two 
most popular rulers on earth. Your repre- 
sentative in this country will, I think, bear 
out this assertion. 

I have always been a great admirer of 
your Imperial Majesty, and I know now to 
what extent you regard me. In this country 
you are greatly admired. The American 
press frequently points out the marketl simi- 
larity in the views of your Majesty and my- 
self. One New York newspaper recently 
made the statement that I would make a 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. gj 

good ruler in Germany and that you would 
make an ideal American President. I wrote 
to the editor of the newspaper in question 
and thanked him for the compliment he 
paid me. 

Since I became President I have adopted 
some of the methods you use in Germany 
and I find that things work out better. Be- 
fore I became President there was not much 
of a display of militarism, neither was there 
any spectacular features introduced at pub- 
lic functions. I changed the order of things 
and my court is now — I am pleased to in- 
form your Majesty — one of the most sump- 
tuous on earth. On public occasions my 
military display is also a grand one. 

Again expressing to your Majesty my cor- 
dial good wishes, and hoping that our rela- 
tions will always be as pleasant as they now 
are, I am, with deep respect. 

Yours sincerely, 

The President. 



§§ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

LETTER NO. 41. 

The President contributes twenty-five 
thousand dollars to the fund to erect a home 
for Disabled and Sick Pugilists and defends 
the great sport that has been regarded by 
him as a manlv one. 



The White House, 18—. 
To THE Secretary of the Pugilistic Home 

Society. 
Dear Sir: 

I am in receipt of 3'our communication of 
the 25th inst. asking me to subscribe to a 
fund to be used in building a home in New 
Jersey for sick and disabled boxers. I 
cheerfully give |25,000 to this most worthy 
object. 

I regret to say that in recent years boxing 
has not paid in this country. .Most of our 
well-known professional boxers have been 
forced to retire from the prize ring without 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. §9 

saving any money. This is sad to contem- 
plate. 

I have always been a great admirer of the 
manly art. It distills courage in youthful 
make-up. It is the greatest inducement to 
prevent men carrying guns. All parents 
should have their boys instructed in the 
manly art of self-defense. Many a boy who 
has fallen into playing women's games, 
rather than taking up the strenuous games 
of life, can lay the blame upon his early in- 
structors. 

Our American pugilists have done a great 
deal of good w^ork in advancing athletics, 
and I would like to see the day when the 
New Jersey Home for Sick and Disabled 
Pugilists is erected, thus providing for 
worthy citizens who have fallen by the way- 
side in life. During my term of office as 
President I hope to have the pleasure of par- 
ticipating in the dedicatory exercises in con- 
nection with the proposed home. 

If 1 can further the worthy project in any 



90 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

way 1)j legislation please call upon me and 
I will assist. I number the men of the 
squared circle among my warm friends and 
supporters. 

Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 42. 

The President sends the Chicago platfonn 
to a Senatorial friend and bids him to faith- 
fully carry out the programme mapped out 
for the convention bv the President. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

I return herewith the revised Chicago 
platform. You will note that I have made 
several changes in it, notably in the section 
devoted to the Administration, I want tlie 
Committee on Platform to make no chances 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. Q]^ 

in any of the important paragraplis that I 
have marked. They must go before the con- 
vention just as I have written them, and in 
the event that you learn that there is to be 
any opposition to the programme I have 
mapped out for the ratification of my plat- 
form please move the previous question on 
its adoption. That will shut off debate in 
the Iowa and Wisconsin sections. 

As my name is to be the only one that will 
go before the Chicago convention, I believe 
in having the proceedings as enthusiastic as 
they possibly can be made. I think my plat- 
form will arouse the delegates and specta- 
tors to wild cheering, and I have revised the 
Governor's nominating speech so that it will 
"take" splendidly with everybody present. 

I enclose you the list of men whom I want 
on the Committee on Platform. Do not lis- 
ten to any changes. Show the platform to 
none others but the gentlemen w^hose names 
are on the committee. I look for a great 
convention next month. I have written for 



<)2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDEXT. 

our California friend with tbe loud voice to 
come on and rehearse his seconding speech 
at the White House. I wrote it out for liiiu 
two months ago and I want you to be here 
when he reads it. I think you will like it. 
I have sent the colored delegate his second- 
ing speech. The New York man's speech is 
almost ready. I expect to finish it to-night. 
I regard him as the best man I could name 
for chairman. If you have time, come up to- 
morrow at one o'clock and take lunch with 
me. 

Faithfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 43. 



The President instructs a member of his 
Cabinet to conduct negotiations with Eng- 
land for the annexation of Ireland to the 
I'nited States. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 93 

The WMte House, 18—. 
My Dear j\lr. Secretary : 

I wish you would begin negotiations with 
the British governmem: for the annexation 
of Ireland to the United States. Let Eng- 
land name its own price for the sale of Ire- 
land and I will agree to whatever figure is 
named. If we can negotiate this transfer it 
will be the crowning achievement of my glo- 
rious administration and will be the means 
also of swinging the Irish vote into my col- 
umn at the next election. 

Ireland should be free, and I think it is 
my duty to release it from the yoke that has 
bound it to England for centuries. I think 
England would be glad to take $500,000,000 
for Ireland. The late war put a crimp into 
her finances and |500,000,000 would come 
in handy to the Treasury Department. We 
can spare it, as there is more money in the 
United States Treasury now than is needed. 

My plan is to have Ireland a part of the 
United States. Her people are coming to 



yj. LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

this country by the thousands every week. 
They would not come here if Ireland were 
a State iu our Union. I firmly believe that 
En«;land will consent to the sale of the 
Emerald Isle. If she does, we will close the 
matter promptly, and I will have a new 
American flag, consisting of red, white, blue 
and green, made for general use. This will 
be necessary by reason of the sale or annexa- 
tion of Ireland. The new national flag will 
be used in the United States, Ireland and 
all of our colonies. 

I am very anxious to bring this thing to a 
head at this time for the reason that I must 
have the support of the Irish at the polls, 
and nothing would bring that vote to me 
quicker than by my action in the way indi- 
cated in this letter. Even if the negotiations 
fail I will get the credit of being the pioneer 
in a great undertaking. I shall look for- 
ward to you to open negotiations at once. 
To-morrow I will call in all of the news- 
paper correspondents and inform them of 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 95 

the action I have ordered you to take regard- 
ing freeing Ireland. 

Eespectfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 44. 

The President revises the speech that is 
to be delivered placing him in nomination 
for President and instructs the Governor to 
be more personal when referring to the 
President in his speech. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Governor : 

I have read the speech which you will de- 
liver at the Chicago convention placing me 
in nomination for the Presidency. I like it 
very much. I have only a few suggestions 
to make in the way of changes, and hope 



9Q LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

you will regard them iu the same light as 
I do. 

I ^Yould first suggest that you use my 
name frequenth'. You kuow that in a na- 
tional convention the name of a popular 
idol when mentioned by the man who is 
nominating him for President means muck 
in the matter of arousing applause. There- 
fore, I would respectfully suggest that in- 
stead of beginning your speech with the epi- 
gram — and right here I want to say that it 
is a gem — you start off by mentioning my 
name. That will bring out the applause. 
Secondly, I would suggest that you close 
your speech with my name. That will put 
the finishing touches on the splendid ad- 
dress you have prepared and you wiil receive 
a great ovation. 

I would eliminate, my dear Governor, 
much of the matter referring to our national 
policy. You know that I have no fixed pol- 
icy at this time. I believe in leaving policy 
aside until some future time. Refer as much 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 97 

as you like to what I have done and will do 
in building up this great government, but do 
not commit me to any definite future policy. 
The more personal you make your nominat- 
ing speech the more uproarious applause 
you will receive, and it will make the read- 
ing of the convention reports sent out more 
interesting. 

When you have the speech revised please 
send me a proof, and if there are any more 
changes to be made I will return it by spe- 
cial messenger. With best wishes for your 
success, I am 

Cordially yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 45. 

The President writes his literary friend, 
suggesting to him three names for the book 



98 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

dealing with the life of the President. To 
instruct the National Committee to buy 
seven million copies of the work. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Jake: 

I sincerely hope that your book will be a 
wonderful success. I know it will. You 
always did WTite good stuff for the news- 
papers, and in the book world you will shine 
as brilliantly as you did when you were in 
New York '"doing" police. 

Now, about my naming the book which 
you have written around my career. I have 
read the proof sheets and I take pleasure in 
saying that you have treated the subject 
splendidly. I do not wish to appear egotis- 
tical, but as you say I must give you a title 
for the work, I will comply with your re- 
quest. Any one of these three titles would 
be pleasing to me: 

"The Greatest Living American." 

"The Most Beloved President in Historv." 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 99 

"The Man Who Rejuvenated the United 
States." 

I would like to see your book issued just 
after the Chicago convention. I will in- 
struct the National Campaign Committee to 
make arrangements with your publishers for 
the purchase of 7,000,000 copies and they 
will be sent broadcast to voters. I will see 
that your splendid work attains the largest 
circulation of any book ever published. 

With best wishes for the success of your 
latest production, I am 

Cordially yours. 

The President. 



lp:tter no. 46. 

The President writes his intimate friend 
"George" about the Chairmanship of the Na- 
tional Committee, and, while he would like 



lOQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

to rnauage the campaign, tells "George" that 
lie will allow him to conduct it. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear George: 

Your suggestion that I elect myself chair- 
man of the National Committee has been 
given careful thought. I would like to man- 
age my own campaign, but I hardly feel able 
to carry out the task in the way 1 would 
like to, as 1 have overworked myself this 
year and am in need of a month's rest. I 
see no impropriety in a President managing 
his own campaign, and at one time this week 
I was tempted to yield to your ideas in the 
matter and order the National Committee 
to elect me chairman, but on second thought 
I have decided not to do so, and I therefore 
will see that 3'ou are named in my stead. 

I have every confidence in your ability to 
manage my campaign. You will do the work 
fully as well as I would, and I will have no 
complaints to make at anything you may 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. -[Q^ 

do. Of course, we will be in constant com- 
munication, and I will furnish 3 ou with sug- 
gestions daily as to what work must be done 
and how it shall be done in the different 
States. 

You will be in supreme command at the 
National Headquarters. Take orders from 
none but mj'self. I want everything done 
systematically, and regardless of expense. 

I am thinking of going on the stump in 
the last week of the campaign, not because 
I feel that it will be necessary, but for the 
reason that my appearance in several of the 
large cities in the East and West will 
awaken enthusiasm and will help to roll up 
a majority for me that will make other ma- 
jorities of Presidents appear insignificant. 

Wishing you all possible success, I am 
Very sincerely yours, 

The Peesident. 



X02 i^ETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

LETTER NO. 47. 

The President expresses great surprise at 
the length of the apphiuse that greeted his 
name when he was named for the Presi- 
dency. Believes he will break the "Solid 
South." 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

I must confess that I was a little bit sur- 
prised when the news was flashed over the 
A\ire that when my name was presented to 
the convention for nomination for President 
that the applause only lasted twenty min- 
utes. I was figuring that as there were 20,- 
000 people in the Auditorium the cheering 
would have continued at least thirty-five or 
forty minutes. T wanted to have the ap- 
plause record at national conventions 
broken, but so long as things went off as 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^Q^ 

smoothly as they did 1 have no complaint 
to make. 

But the campaign Is on. We must bring 
out every vote in the United States. The 
Judge will be my opponent. I regard him 
as the weakest candidate who could be 
named against me. He won't carry his own 
State. I Avill predict now that I will break 
the "Solid South." I am anxious to do this, 
for this will be a record-breaking campaign 
and election, and if I do this I will pass into 
history as the President who linked forever 
the North and South into one indissoluble 
country. I will bend all of my energies to 
carrying the Southern States. 

Our opponents will not have a large fund. 
I have been promised all of the funds that 
will be necessary to carry on a rousing cam- 
paign. You open the campaign in New 
York. When things become lively I will 
hurl a few bombshells at the Judge and his 
party and will show him and his friends that 
I am not going to sit here in the White 



IQ^ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

House and sa}' nothing while he does all of 
the talking. If necessary I will make a few 
speeches. 

Campaign headquarters will be opened in 
Chicago soon and also in New York, and 
from Monday on every friend of mine must 
be on the jump. If it is a possible thing I 
would like to carry every State in the Union. 
Let us start out with that object in view. 
Yours faithfully, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 48. 

The President writes the Chairman of the 
National Committee, instructing him to ac- 
cept the offer of seven hundred thousand dol- 
lars from a trust, even though the money 
be looked upon as slightly soiled. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^Q5 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Mr. Chairman : 

This letter is in answer to your long-dis- 
tance telephone message of last evening, in 
which you asked me if you would be justified 
in accepting for the campaign fund |700,000 
which, you claim, is ^'tainted money," it hav- 
ing come from the most stupendous trust in 
the world. My answer to your inquiry is 
this: 

Accept the money by all means. It will 
be used for my election to the Presidency. 
I believe that where good can be accom- 
plished by money, even though it be wrung 
from the pockets of the people, there can be 
no harm done in accepting it, and I have 
therefore arrived at the conclusion that we 
are not stifling our consciences by using the 
trust money in this campaign. The harm 
that it is alleged the trust has done is more 
than overbalanced in the generosity of the 
gift to my campaign. 

Have all of the railroads contributed to- 



l{){^ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

wards my campai«;n yet? I must know 
about this to-morrow, as I may send a spe- 
cial commissioner to the West this week to 
probe into some of the acts of the Western 
roads, which, it is claimed, have been vio- 
lating the Interstate Commerce law. 

Use the long-distance telephone as often 
as you deem necessary. All of my replies to 
your important queries over the telephone 
will be answered by mail. 

Cordially, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 49 

The President suggests suitable men to 
head the State ticket in New York, and in 
his letter says that he is going to knock out 
the party in power in New York State. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^07 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Tim : 

Your letter marked "Private" was re- 
ceived this morning. I have carefully gone 
o^er the matter with the Senator from Penn- 
sylvania and have decided that it would not 
be advisable for me to make any public 
statement as to my preference for Governor 
of New York. If I take a hand openly the 
friends of the Chairman would knife me at 
the polls, as I am against any man he is in 
favor of. 

I am frank to say that I would like to see 
you nominated for Governor and the man 
from Syracuse for Lieutenant-Governor. 
You and the Senator are two of my most sin- 
cere admirers. After a while I will send for 
the Chairman and talk matters over with 
him. I know he was against me in the last 
campaign and tried only this year to defeat 
my nomination for President, but in view of 
another Presidential campaign I am com- 
pelled to simulate friendship for him. I will 



JQg LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

invite biui to luncheon next \s'eek and will 
"pump" him on the Governorship question. 

I would like to wipe out the present 
regime in your State. I would if it were not 
a Presidential year. The crowd that Is in 
power there now is the worst I ever came in 
contact with. The former crew was made 
up of political thieves and highbinders, and 
the molasses-and-tea crowd that is at the 
helm now would make the Spanish buc- 
caneers look sickly. After my election I am 
going after the "grafters" and when I reach 
the State of New York you will see a big 
change. 

The "tip" you gave me about Tammany 
Hall I will follow up. I have sent a man to 
treat with the "Boss." If he can swing the 
full Tammany vote for me the Judge would 
not carry the city. Kind regards. 
Your friend and admirer, 

The President. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ;1^09 

LETTER NO. 50. 

The President writes his old political 
enemy "Lou," telling him how glad he is 
that all has been forgotten and forgiven and 
that they can once more shake hands and 
work in harmony. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Lou : 

I cannot help writing you about our pri- 
vate talk here last evening. I am awfully 
glad you have forgotten the past and what 
I said about you a few years ago. I was 
somewhat excited at the time when I re- 
ferred to you as "one of the most unscrupu- 
lous politicians in the State," and I know 
you have forgiven and forgotten. We are 
all aiming at one high purpose in the com- 
ing campaign and that is my election as 
President. I want your hearty and earnest 
support, and I have your word that it will 
be given in large measures. Thank you. I 



no LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

will auxiously scan the returns on election 
night to see how well you have done for me 
in your Congressional district. 

Since we talked over matters last night 
I hare come to the conclusion that it would 
be a wise thing for me to establish a Na- 
tional Bureau of Insurance. These insur- 
ance societies should be under governmental 
control. The way affairs are shaping them- 
selves in the insurance world leads me to 
believe that I had better establish this bu- 
reau within the next few months, say just 
after my election. I would like to make you 
Superintendent of Insurance, with full 
jurisdiction over every insurance company 
in the United States. You are well fitted 
for this high office by reason of your past 
experience in an office of a similar character. 

I want to carry New York by the largest 
majority ever given to a Presidential candi- 
date. I want to see the records smashed to 
pieces, and you can materially assist. 

Again assuring you, my dear Lou, of my 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. XII 

most cordial good ^vill, and with best wishes 
for your success in everything you under- 
take, I am 

Your devoted friend, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 51. 

The President, in a letter to his friend 
"Seth," insists that he come to the inaugu- 
ration and bring all of the President's old- 
time friends in the Far Western States. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Seth : 

I have your letter of recent date in which 
you say you will be unable to attend my in- 
auguration as President of the United 
States. Now, Seth, I want to say to you 
that I will not listen for a moment to any 
such excuse. I want you here on March 4th 



112 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDEXT. 

— you must come. The pageant will be in- 
complete without you and mv other cowboy 
friends, and your friends. You and they 
must come. 

Regardless of expense, come to Washing- 
ton and be here a few days previous to 
March 4th. Bring jour ponies. If you 
should run short of cash you know that the 
Treasury Department is only one block from 
the White House, and you can got all you 
need there. If the worst should come to the 
worst, why the advertising that you and 
your party will receive by reason of your 
attending my inauguration will enable you 
to hold a big carnival at some one of the 
parks here and afterwards sell your horses. 
They will bring big. prices. 

So prepare to come to Washington for my 
inauguration. Bring "Dead-Shot Charley," 
"Mexican Pete," "Lariat Lou," and by all 
means see that "Buckskin Bill" is at the 
depot, ticket in hand, when you are ready 
to start. I recall with considerable pleasure 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^]^3 

these good fellows in my ranch days. I will 
look for them. I hope you will have at least 
twenty-five in your party. I shall see to it 
that 3^ou get a good position in the inaugural 
parade. 

With cordial good wishes, I am 
Delightedly yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 52. 

The President calls the attention of the 
National Chairman to the delay in the re- 
ceipt of campaign funds from the trusts and 
urges haste. He gives instructions where 
to send funds. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear George: 

What is the cause of the delay upon the 
part of the coal and sugar people? The 



1^4: LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

funds should have been placed in your hands 
last Friday. These "Divine Eight" men 
must not be allowed to sneak away from 
National Headquarters after leaving a pal- 
try $500,000 for campaign purposes. Call 
the coal people up on the 'phone to-morrow 
and tell them in plain language that you 
need the other $500,000 now. The sugar 
people must be given to understand that if 
they are to expect future favors from me 
they will have to come forward at once with 
the remainder of the |750,000 they promised 
three weeks ago. The favors I have granted 
them entitles me to some consideration at 
their hands when I am in need of a big cam- 
paign fund. 

What reports I get here personally from 
people in different parts of the country lead 
me to say that we will win by a tremendous 
majority. The Judge continues to attack 
me personally. On Friday evening I will 
give the Associated Press a statement that 
will lift the Judge from his feet. I have 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. |;[5 

been aching to get at him for several weeks, 
and if it had not been for the importunities 
of the Senator from Connecticut I would 
have gone over to New York and made one 
speech in Madison Square Garden in answer 
to the speeches the Judge has been deliver- 
ing. I have had good luck in defeating 
judges. I have the scalp of one on my belt. 
Two judges' scalps will be added to the belt 
on election night. 

I wish you would send out |200,000 to 
Indiana on Saturday. It is needed there to 
bring out the full vote. Drop |150,000 into 
Connecticut and |150,000 into New Jersey. 
Express to Missouri |200,000. We are going 
to carry that State, but money is needed to 
do it. 

Keep up the good work you are doing. You 
are the best chairman the National Com- 
mittee ever had. 

Sincerely yours, 

The Pre.sident. 



Xl() LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

LETTER NO. 53. 

The President pauses in the rush of con- 
gratulations over his re-election to ^Tite a 
friend, whom he tells how pleased he is at 
tlie great personal victory. Eefers to his 
being a "Self-Made President." 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Judge : 

Your telegram of congratulation was the 
first to be received at the ^yhite House this 
evening, and I have taken time to answer it 
myself. It was certainly a glorious victory. 
I regard it as a personal one. All of the big 
politicians were for me and none of them 
wanted me; but the people had faith in my 
judgment and they trusted me, and the enor- 
mous majority by which I was elected justi- 
fies me in saying that my administration has 
given entire satisfaction to all of my fellow- 
countrymen, regardless of party, color, 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 1\^J 

creed or nationality. I have tried lo be tlie 
President of all the people and have suc- 
ceeded. 

My dear Judge, I have striven hard to be 
the prince of thoroughgoing Americans. I 
am an Easterner, a Westerner, a Northerner 
and a Southerner. I could not be sectional 
if I would. I believe in the American na- 
tion. It is the star of my life. I stand for 
America first, for all other nations after. 
I desire to injure no other nations, but when 
they tread on Uncle Sam's lawn they must 
expect to be chastised. This is my policy. 

I began at the foot of the ladder and by 
my own efforts and genius have worked my- 
self up to the highest place on earth. I am 
truly a "Self-Made President." I am glad 
to number such as you as a warm friend. 
1 believe in manhood. To me manhood is the 
sun of the world. 

I will enter upon my duties on March 4 
next with but one thought in mind, and that 
is to make the best President these United 



1J3 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

States ever had. When I have ended my sec- 
ond term, if the people want me to run again 
I will be at their service. The people served 
me well ; I will serve them the same way. 

I thank you, my dear Judge, for your kind 
words. I hope to have the pleasure of your 
company at dinner in the White House 
'ilM)ut Christmas time. 

Sincerely yours. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 54. 

The President writes to a war correspond- 
ent, informing him of the great literary 
feat he performed by writing a book in forty- 
eight hours. Says that it will have the 
largest circulation of any book ever pub- 
lished. 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. HQ 

The WMte House, 18—. 
My Dear Dick : 

I was delighted to learn of your return 
from the Far East and hope you will be able 
to come to Washington some day next week 
and tell me all about the war. Your articles 
from Chefoo pleased me immensely. You 
certainly are the greatest war correspondent 
in the history of the world. 

I am glad you like my latest work. I 
wrote that book in forty-eight hours. I can- 
not recall an instance in American history 
where an author turned out a book on a 
weighty subject in such marvelous! y quick 
time. My publishers say it will iiave the 
largest sale of any book ever published in 
the United States. All the reviewers praise 
my style and say that my descriptions are 
masterpieces and are more vivid than are to 
be found in Dumas' works. Of course, aside 
from my Presidential ambitions, I have one 
other object in life, and that is to figure in 
history with Dumas, Shakespeare, Carlyle, 



]^OQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

Longfellow and Holmes as literary geniuses. 
I like to write awfully well, and it delights 
me to know with v.hat great and unstinted 
praise my literary productions are received 
by the general public. My latest work will 
be translated into every known language 
The Emperor of Germany, the Sultan ol' 
Turkey and the Shah of Persia have each 
cabled me for 100,000 copies of the work for 
distribution among their subjects. My pub- 
lishers have had to work day and night get- 
ting out copies to supply the demand. They 
claim that at least 75,000,000 will be the 
sale, which will eclipse the sales of any book 
ever published, not excepting tlie Bible and 
Shakespeare's works. As a literary man I 
know you rejoice with me in the wonderful 
success that has met my efforts witli the 
pen. 

When you come over here some day to 
lunch I will present you willi the pen I 
wrote my latest book with. I kuow you will 
1)1 ace a high value upon it as a keepsake. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^21 

With kind regards to yourself and Charley, 
I ain^ 

Cordially yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 55. 

The President accepts the decoration of 
the Order of the Double Cross from the Em- 
peror of China and announces to the Em- 
peror that he will send to Ireland as Consul 
the best-known Chinese-American. 



The White House, 18—. 
His Imperial Majesty,, 

Pekin, China. 
Your Majesty : 

I beg to acknowledge the receipt from you 
of the tin medal emblematic of the Order of 
the Double Cross. I accept the decoration 
with thanks and assure you that I deeply 
appreciate the high honor you have con- 



222 LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

ferred upon me. 1 intend to wear the medal 
as a watch charm. 

I have received many honors during mj 
term as President of the United States, but 
none have been accepted with more pleasure 
than this one. It certainly is highlj- com- 
plimentary to me to be decorated b} the Em- 
peror of such a great nation as China. I am 
the first President of the United States to 
receive the Order of the Double Cross and 
I am very proud of it. 

I hope to have the pleasure some day of 
going to China. I have always admired your 
country, its climate, its marked progressive- 
ness in every way and the cordiality you ex- 
hibit towards foreigners, especially Ameri- 
cans. If I have my own way about it — and 
I generally do liave my own way — I think 1 
shall move to Pekin when I finish my term 
of ofiQce eight years from now and make it 
my home. I would like to become interestetl 
in politics there. 

Of course, you have heard of my re-elec- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^23 

tion. It was a sweeping victory for me. I 
carried every State in the Union that was 
worth carrying. I want to thank you for 
the friendly interest you manifested in my 
re-election by sending word to all of the 
Chinese-Americans to support me. They 
voted for me to a man. 

Out of courtesy to you, and as a means of 
testifying to my appreciation of the support 
and votes of the Chinese-Americans at the 
last election, I shall shortly appoint the 
Hon. Mock Wing, the most distinguished 
Chinese-American in this country, Consul- 
General to Dublin, Ireland, one of the most 
important diplomatic posts in the world. 

With renewed assurance of my most dis- 
tinguished consideration, I am. 
With deep respect, 

The President. 



;J^24 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

LETTER NO. 56. 

The President is displeased at the trouble 
in the Far East and tells an army officer 
that he will take the field himself and lead 
one hundred thousand troops to the Philip- 
pines unless the rebels cease their warfare. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Lieutenant : 

Delighted indecnl was I when I read your 
letter from Manila. I thank you for your 
very fine New Year's gift of a Philippine 
rangulla. It is one of the rarest animals now 
in captivity and I have given it the place of 
honor in the White House Zoo gardens. A 
picture of the new exhibit has been printed 
in all of the metropolitan newspapers. 

I was very much interested in your com- 
ments on the situation in the Philippine Isl- 
ands. I have known for a long time that 
there was trouble brewing in the mountain 
districts, but I ordered my Secretary of War 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. \2d 

to suppress news of any insurrection, as the 
publication of news of suck a nature might 
have had a bad effect on the national elec- 
tion. 

The people in our colonies must be con- 
tented with American rule. There is no 
need for their continually harassing the gov- 
ernment by petitioning for autonomy. The 
American flag and American officers and 
men are in the Philippines to stay. Every 
insurrection must be put down, and put 
down quickly. 

If the war in the islands should continue 
for any length of time I will take it upon 
myself as commander-in-chief of the Ameri- 
can army to lead a force of 100,000 men and 
go to Manila and put an end forever to the 
internecine strife that now exists there. I 
am not entirely satisfied with the way some 
of my officers have handled the Philippine 
troubles, and if I hear any more unfavorable 
reports from the Far East I shall go to the 
islands myself at the head of my army and 



]^26 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

proceed immediately to crush the rebellion. 
Not in this generation has an American 
President led his forces in battle, and I hope 
to be able to number myself among the few 
great rulers on earth \yho have gone to the 
front with their armies. 

I assure you that I will lead an army to 
the Philippines soon unless the tribal war 
ceases. 

Faithfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 57. 

The President is pleased at the editorials 
appearing in a New York newspaper sug- 
gesting him for a third term, and writes a 
friend that it looks as if the people would 
insist upon him again running for Presi- 
dent. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ;[27 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Governor: 

1 would like through you to express to the 
New York editor my deep appreciation of 
the handsome way in which he is treating 
the third-term question. He is saying some 
nice things about me every day, and I am 
receiving telegrams and letters from all 
parts of the country telling me that I must 
stand for a third term. Your editor friend 
is the cause of this, and as you are quite inti- 
mate with him I hope you will, at your 
earliest convenience, tell him how pleased I 
am at the attitude his newspaper has as- 
sumed towards me since the last campaign. 

Of course, I have said that I would not 
be a candidate for re-election, but you know, 
my dear Governor, that the will of the peo- 
ple is more potent than the will of any man, 
and I may be forced to yield to the public 
will and accept another term. It looks now 
as if the people will demand my re-election. 
The Vice-President is an avowed candidate 



X28 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

for the Presidential uomiuation, but I am 
not worrying over this. I seem to be pleas- 
ing the people, and I Avill not be taken by 
surprise if my nomination is demanded four 
years from now. 

I am striving to be a typical President 
and I am doing everything I can to please 
all sections of our country, and if the people 
want me to accept a third term I shall be 
compelled to yield to their wishes. 

With renewed expression of good will and 
friendliness, I am 

Faithfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 58. 

The President writes a Congressional 
friend, asking him to assist in passing the 
bill increasing the salary of the President. 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^29 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Congressman : 

I quite agree with the statement you made 
in your note of this morning in which you 
say that there appears to be a large majority 
of the members of the House in favor of 
passing the bill increasing my salary to 
1100,000 a year. Ten of the leading and 
most conspicuous members of the House 
from New York and Illinois told me this 
morning that they will vote and work for 
the Presidential Increase Bill. This, I as- 
sured them, was very pleasing to me. 

You will note that two of the leading 
newspapers in New York have been calling 
upon the House every day for the past fort- 
night demanding that my salary be in- 
creased. I am particularly pleased at the 
way they are treating the bill. 

Of course, you know that unless the bill 
is passed at this session I will not get the 
benefit of the increase should it be ordered 
at the next session. I think it would be one 



;[30 LETTERS OB" A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

of the si^uificaut events of my administra- 
tion if the Increase in Salary Bill were 
passed. I hope to have the pleasure of sign- 
ing such a measure before you adjourn on 
March 4. 

By the way, I am going to nominate that 
friend of jouvb who wants to be sent as Con- 
sul to Zanzibar. The salary is not large, but 
I understand the hunting there is fine, and 
he will get a lot of enjoyment out of his stay 
in Africa. 

Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 59. 

The President thanks an old-time friend 
for suggesting him for Mayor, and adds that 
he would be pleased to accept the office after 
he finishes his term as President. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, y^^ 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Ed : 

I will never forget your kindness in the 
matter referred to in your letter of Satur- 
day. You are certainly a noble, self sacrific- 
ing man and a true friend. Regarding my 
plans for the future I cannot say. The 
papers are insisting upon me running for a 
third term, and I suppose I will have to 
yield to their importunities. I would like 
to break the record in the Presidential chair 
and I think my ambition will be gratified. 

After I leave the White House I would 
like to run for Mayor. Nothing would give 
me greater pleasure, unless it be a lion and 
grizzly hunt in Colorado. I would like to 
be Mayor just four years. In that time I 
would make the city worth living in, I want 
to abolish the present Republican and Dem- 
ocratic gangs there, and if I ever get the 
chance I will hit them hard. If I should 
run there is no doubting what the result 
would be. The voters know me well and 



132 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

know that I would do aomcthiny. The man 
who does things is the man nowadays who 
gets into office. I would rather be Mayor 
for four years than accept the college presi- 
dency you refer to. That could come to me 
after my term as Mayor. 

Go ahead along the lines you started 
working on. Something will come out of 
the Mayoralty boom that will result to our 
mutual advantage. 

With fond regards and best wishes, I am 
Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 60. 

The President gives orders as to how his 
inauguration shall be conducted and says 
that it must be made the greatest show ever 
seen on earth. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^33 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Mr. Chairman : 

I was wild with delight upon receipt of 
the news that the band of Iggorotes, or 
"Head Hunters," are coming to my inaugu- 
ration one hundred strong. I think they 
will be the most picturesque group in the 
procession. I am in favor of having every 
tribe in the Far East represented at the 
March 4th pageant, which I believe is to be 
the grandest show ever seen in this country. 
My idea is to have the ceremonies on a par 
with the Durbar in India. Spare no expense 
in making it outshine any inauguration that 
has ever taken jjlace in the history of this 
nation. 

I believe in pomp and ceremony, and with 
this idea uppermost in your mind you will 
make no mistake in carrying out the neces- 
sary arrangements. Every national guards- 
man must be in Washington for the event. 
Have all of the Indian tribes sent East. 
Summon delegations from all of our colonies 



]^34 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

and notify tlicm tliat thov must come 
dressed in their most picturesque costumes. 
The "Head Hunters" will be a given a posi- 
tion in the parade right behind mv soldiers 
who served with me in the war. 

Pay no attention to the disciples of the 
has-been and the commonplace. You will 
be given advice about having things done as 
they were done at former inaugurations, but 
to all such advice say "skadoo-skadoo." 

I would arrange to have about two hun- 
dred thousand men in line. Clubs from all 
parts of the country will be transported to 
Washington free of charge, as I have ar- 
ranged with the railroads for special trains 
for all clubs and delegations who t\ ill be as- 
signed a place in the inaugural parade. 

Limit the bill for fireworks to .?! 00,000. 
Have the fireworks picture of myself 50 x 40 
feet. You need not bother about having a 
picture of the Vice-President made. His 
turn will come for this honor in the years 
to come. T have engaged a caterer from Eng- 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. I35 

land to prepare the inaugural ball supper. 
He will bring with him his own crew of 
cooks and one thousand English waiters, 
who will appear in court dress when they 
serve the supper. As other matters of im- 
portance pertaining to the inauguration 
come up I shall inform you as to what ar- 
rangements I have made. All of the details 
I shall take care of myself. You will be kept 
busy attending to the clerical force. 
Eespectfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 61. 

The President accepts an invitation to ac- 
company an aerialist on a balloon ascension 
to be made from the World's Fair grounds. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Professor : 

I hasten to acknowledge the receipt of 



136 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

Your kind invitation to accompau} you on 
a balloon ascension from the World's Fair 
grounds on the afternoon of July 11. I 
gladly accept the invitation. It will be the 
first trip of its kind I have ever taken, and 
I am looking forward to a very pleasant 
time. I shall accompany you regardless of 
the condition of the weather, so you can go 
ahead and make your preparations. 

I have had a longing desire to take a trip 
in a balloon, and I did not hesitate about ac- 
cepting the invitation when it was received. 
I hope we will be able to take a trip of about 
two thousand miles. I should like to go 
along the Mississippi route, as the scenery 
in that section is very fine. 

One of the delights I find in being Presi- 
dent is that whatever I do or wherever I go 
no adverse comment is made by the public 
or by the press. If any other President were 
to take a trip in an airship or in a balloon 
public meetings would be held in every 
town, village and hamlet in the country pro- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. X37 

testing against the Chief Executive taking 
such undue liberties with the dignity of his 
high office. With me it is different. The 
other day I went to a blacksmith's shop and 
shoed one of my horses just to experience 
the novelty of such a job. I frequently take 
a trip in my airship to Baltimore, Richmond 
and adjacent cities. 

There is, in my opinion, no reason for 
hemming in the President and demanding 
of him that he stay in the White House and 
attend to the tiresome duties of greeting the 
sleepy old Senators and holding public re- 
ceptions and dinners in their honor. The 
President is human, and he likes to indulge 
in the sports and pastimes that his people 
like to enjoy. I have done all this during 
my term as President, and when you invited 
me to take a trip in your balloon I did not 
ask any one if it would be proper for me to 
go on such a perilous journey. I have made 
up my mind to go and I shall. If you think 
we are likely to be detained in the clouds 



]^38 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

for a day or so bring all the necessary pro- 
visions to last while we are away. If the 
event is proi)erly advertised I should think 
you would have five hundred thousand peo- 
ple on the fair grounds during the day of 
the ascension. 

Faithfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 62. 



The President makes a bid for the Irish 
vote and makes known to all Irishmen why 
they should support him for re-election. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear James : 

I have just read your letter in the Herald 
in which you endorse my candidacy for 
President and call upon the Ancient Order 
of United Irishmen to heartily support me. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^39 

The organization of which you are president 
numbers hundreds of thousands of voters, 
and I want their support. Your letter is a 
splendid one, and I will have it sent to every 
Irish voter in the United States. 

The reasons you set forth why I should 
be re-elected President are certainly cogent 
ones. I could not have made them clearer 
if I had written to the Herald myself. I will 
certainly bear you in mind if I am elected. 

As you stated in your last letter, I have 
been a consistent friend of Ireland and 
Home Rule ever since I was first elected to 
the Legislature in my home State. I have 
been charged ever since I became President 
of being on too friendly terms with Eng- 
land, but if I have exhibited any undue 
friendship it was for a purpose. There is 
Irish blood in my veins and I am proud of 
it. During the war my regiment bore off all 
the honors of that bloody conflict. As the 
leader of that regiment I came to know 
intimately every man in it, and I am proud 



;[40 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

of the fact tliiit the best fighters Avere the 
Irish- Americans and the Jews. 

It is wise to consider what will happen to 
any prominent Irish-American who holds 
office and who will oppose my re-election 
this year. No one man, no one organization, 
can defeat me, and I hope your letter will 
have the effect of bringing into line all of 
the Irish voters. I am down for a number 
of Home Eule speeches in different States 
after the election and the dates will be made 
iwblic shortl}-. I love Ireland and Irish- 
men, and I solicit through you the votes of 
the Irish, ^^'hen Ireland and all of her 
friends were encouraging the opponents of 
England during the late war you will re- 
member my sympathy, moral and financial, 
was given to the brave Dutchmen who were 
fighting England for the country they had 
settled. 

I am to give an "Irish Dinner" at the 
White House on the 4th inst, and shall ex- 
pect you to be one of my guests. After din- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^_^^ 

ner we will attend the performance of "Col- 
leen Bawn" at the National Theatre. 
Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 63. 

The President advises a young English- 
man to vote for him for the office of Chief 
Executive, as he (the President) has been 
friendly to England. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Young Friend : 

I am in receipt of your letter of October 
2, in which you ask me for advice as to how 
you shall vote in the coming Presidential 
election. I cheerfully comply with your re- 
quest. 

I am pleased to be informed that you have 
renounced allegiance to Great Britain and 



1^2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

that you are now a full-fledged xVmerican 
and will cast your first vote this year. I am 
also pleased to know that you are a member 
of the Orangemen's Society. 1 number 
among its members some of my most valued 
and esteemed friends — men who are loyal to 
the country of their adoption, but who are 
mindful of the love and devotion they owe 
to the mother country. I would suggest to 
every young English-American who will 
participate in the coming election that he 
vote for the set of Presidential electors who 
will vote for me. I have done a great 
deal in my brief career to promote a 
friendly and cordial feeling between 
England and America. Of course, I have 
had to preside and make speeches at a 
number of Home lUile for Ireland meet- 
ings, but I did this in order to keep on good 
terms with the millions of Irish voters. They 
are an important factor in our national elec- 
tions and the President must use a little 
"salve" on them. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^43 

You are a 3'Oung man and therefore 
should vote for the young people's candi- 
date for President. Look what I have done 
for our American boys. I have taught them 
to be courageous and brave — to hunt, shoot, 
ride horseback, box, fence, swim, wrestle, 
play baseball, polo, cricket and golf, and to 
indulge in other manly sports. The other 
day I was endorsed for President by the 
Young Men's American Union, which boasts 
of a membership list of two millions. Never 
before has a candidate for President re- 
ceived such splendid endorsements from the 
young men as I have. I claim to be friendly 
with all nationalities. I have an especial 
liking for Englishmen. The people of Eng- 
land are anxious to see me elected. Only 
yesterday the mail brought me a letter from 
Great Britain's ruler wishing me good luck 
in the approaching contest, and closing with 
the hope that I will once more lead my 
countrymen triumphantly. Hoping that you 
will see your way clear to vote for me and 



j^44 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

will aid ill the common cause in November, 

I am 

Faithfully jours, 

The President. 

P. S. — You are at libertj^ to make what- 
ever use of this letter j^ou see fit. 



LETTER NO. 64. 

The President writes that he is pleased to 
know that a society is organized to assist in 
preserving the home in which he was born, 
and concludes by subscribing ten thousand 
dollars to the Presidential Home Fund. 



The White House, 18—. 
Secretary Presidential Home Society: 

My Dear Sir — It has pleased me immense- 
ly to note that you have begun a movement 
that will end in the preservation of the home 
in which I was born. This is certainly a 
very enterprising act upon your part and 



LETTERS OB^ A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^45 

historians will reward jou for the great ser- 
vice you are doing for posterity. 

Some time ago the suggestion was made 
that Congress pass a law setting aside a cer- 
tain sum of money to purchase the residence 
in which I passed so many happy days, but 
when your society was organized the talk 
about Congress appropriating money for the 
purpose you have in mind ended. 

You ask me if I have any suggestions to 
make to your society regarding the project. 
Only this : Make your society a permanent 
one. Have it incorporated under the laws 
of your State. Set aside a certain sum 
which will defray the expenses of keeping 
the home in good condition for a number of 
years. When I have ended my earthly ca- 
reer my fellow-countrymen will not forget 
my old homestead, and for generations to 
come it will be an object of interest to every 
person who visits your beautiful city. 

I enclose you my check for |10,000 to be 
applied to the Presidential Home Society. 



;[46 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

Use it for whatever purpose voii see fit. I 
\\ill ship you a splendid oil painting of my- 
self in the near future which you ean hang 
in the east parlor. I hope your society will 
flourish. It was organized under good aus- 
pices and I have no misgivings about its fu- 
ture. Please convey to the members of the 
society my best wishes. With many thanks 
for your kind letter and the cordial expres- 
sions contained therein, I am 
Faithfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 65. 

The President to recommend to Congress 
the passage of an act empowering the Execu- 
tive to institute the "Order of Amei'ican No- 
bility." 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^47 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Senator : 

There is a tremendous deficit in the Treas- 
ury. I think it is somewhere in the neigh- 
borhood of 1100,000,000, and I have hit on 
a brand-new scheme to prevent our wealth- 
iest Americans from going abroad to live, 
taking their vast wealth with them and in- 
vesting it on worthless dukes and counts. 
This government must put a check on this 
annual annexing by Europeans of our 
wealthiest men and women who go over 
there to marry titles. There is a clause in 
our antiquated Constitution which says 
something about the United States not being 
allowed to grant titles, but I will get a fa- 
vorable opinion from the Supreme Court 
and will prevent the old fogy Senators from 
trying to prevent the passage of my bill, en- 
titled "An Act to Empower the President of 
the United States to Institute the Order of 
American Nobility." The creation of such 
an order will stop this monthly sending of 



;[4.8 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

American gold to support broken-down 
titled foreigners who have married our 
wealthiest girls and will relieve the Treas- 
ury to a great extent. 

As soon as the "Nobility Bill" is passed 
and becomes a law by my signature I shall 
create a legion of lords, dukes, earls, baro- 
nets, barons, princes, viscounts, esquires, 
honorables, etc. 

My idea is to have the President confer 
all titles. I would begin by bestowing upon 
all ex-Presidents of the United States the 
title of "Your Lordship." Upon all former 
Vice-Presidents I would confer the title of 
honorable. That would be sufficient for 
those who linger in that office for four years. 

All bachelors who could prove they are 
worth 15,000,000 would be entitled to be 
called "Duke." 

Single or married n\en who possess |200,- 
000,000 would be created Princes of the 
Realm. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^49 

Single men who have |150,000,000 would 
be given the title of Marquis. 

Single men worth from |75,000,000 to 
1100,000,000 would fall into the title of Vis- 
count. 

Every single man who had a bank account 
of 11,000,000 I would make a Baron. 

Of course, I would not overlook the great 
"Captains of Industry" and our trust mag- 
nates who have ruled Wall Street and have 
built up our largest corporations. I would 
decorate them in accordance with their mag- 
nificent undertakings and at the same time 
take into consideration their bank accounts. 

On the wealthy single women of the coun- 
try I would confer titles of no small degree. 
In fact, I would do as no other American has 
ever dreamed of — open up a matrimonial 
highway that would for all time prevent 
marriages between titled foreigners and our 
wealthy women. My plan would keep Amer- 
ican gold on this side of the Atlantic. Hovv' 
nice it would be in this country if we could 



]^50 LETTERS OF A rfELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

read in our newspapers official news about 
such titled persons as the following : 

His Lordship the ex-President of 
the United States has gone on a six 
months' hunting trip to Lincoln, 
Neb. 

The Right Honorable the ex-Vice- 
President of the United States has 
announced his candidacy for 
Mayor of Peoria, 111. 

His Grace the Duke of Missis- 
sippi is arranging for a lynching 
bee on the 3d inst. 

The Most Noble the Marquis of 
Denver has presented the Presi- 
dent of the United States with a 
splendid specimen of the sea ele- 
phant. 

The Right Honorable the Earl of 
Brooklyn will entertain at dinner 
on Monday in honor of His Royal 
Highness the Prince of Newburgh. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^^ 

The Eight Honorable Lord Vis- 
count Jones and the Baroness 
Smith have announced their en- 
gagement. They will wed in the 
fall and will spend their honey- 
moon on the estate of the Duke of 
Pociantico. 

The Marquis of Buffalo gave a 
chowder party yesterday in honor 
of the Duke of Rochester. 

Sir William Brown, Kt, is to try 
for Congress from the Syracuse dis- 
trict. The present member is Sir 
Raphael Brick, Bart. 

The Lord Chief Justice of New 
York and the Lord High Chancel- 
lor of San Francisco are visiting 
on their private estate in Philadel- 
phia. 

The President will give a 100- 
plate dinner to-night in honor of 
the Earl of Morgan, who is soon to 
be decorated with the additional 



;[52 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

title of "Knight of the Golden 
Fleece." 

The Duchess of Utica announces 
the engagement of hei* niece, the 
Viscountess Bund^', and Sir Will- 
iam Plane, Master of the Hounds, 
one of the highest officials in the 
Cabinet of his Excellency the Pres- 
ident of the United States. 

Sir William Hogg, of Chicago, 
announces the engagement of his 
daughter, Lady Adelaine Hogg, 
and the Kight Honorable Lord 
Bombaj', of Baltimore. Sir Will- 
iam will entertain this evening, the 
guest of honor being His Royal 
Highness John D., Prince of Cleve- 
land. 

By instituting "The Order of American 
Nobility" our rich young men and women 
would not be at a disadvantage when com- 
pared with the titled men and women of Eii- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^53 

rope. Every American man and woman lias 
the right to become a prince and a princcKSS. 
Why, then, compel them to go abroad to get 
these and other titles? My plan solves the 
problem. The new order would be a useful 
addition to America. It is needed here. 
Congress can institute it at once, and then 
fitting and new social advantages will be be- 
stowed upon those who can lay claim to 
them. 

I greatly desire the enactment of the "No- 
bility Bill" and I shall expect it to be 
promptly passed. 

Believe me to be sincerely yours. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 66. 

The President arranges to have one hun- 
dred phonographs placed in the White 



]^54- LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

House and will hereafter have all of his ad- 
dresses recorded in the machines. • 



The White House, 18—. 
President International Phonograph 

Company, New York City, X. Y. 
Dear Sir: 

I gladly comply with your request that 
you be allowed to place one hundred phono- 
graphs in the White House for my special 
use in delivering public addresses. You can 
place them here at your earliest convenience, 

I have found that my time is so occupies! 
that it is impossible to comply with the nu- 
merous requests for me to speak in different 
parts of the country, and I have decided 
to have all of my addresses — with a few ex- 
ceptions — recorded in the phonograph, 
thereby handing them down to posterity. 
By this means I will be saving a great deal 
of time now lost in traveling to distant 
cities to speiik. At the same time I can be 
heard on the same evening in the four parts 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^55 

of the country. I can accept an invitation 
to speak in San Francisco the same evening 
that I am down for an address in New York, 
and the people of New Orleans can hear a 
speech from my lips the same evening that 
the populace in St. Paul will hear me. It 
will be impossible for me to accept an invi- 
tation to speak before the Chamber of Com- 
merce in Horseheads, N. Y., and I would 
not think of taking a trip to Verona just to 
address the Business Men's Association of 
that hamlet, but I can send to each of those 
great bodies a phonograph record of a spe- 
cially prepared speech, and the same formal- 
ities can be gone through with in introduc- 
ing the phonograph as would be carried out 
if I Avere there. 

The Emperor of China, the Sultan of Tur- 
key and the Mahahrajah of Koko have asked 
me for a record of my voice, and I shall send 
them a few remarks by one of your records 
as soon as I receive them. Please make extra 
large machines for these three distinguished 



156 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

monarclis, as they intend keeping tlie rec- 
ords in their archives for all time. 

After I receive 3'our records I intend to 
speak in every State in the Union every 
night in the week. All records will be du- 
plicated, one set being kept in the rooms of 
the National Uistorical Society in this city. 
I see no objection in your using the sub- 
stance of this letter in your advertisements. 

Again thanking you for your most gen- 
erous offer, 1 am 

Respectfully yours. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 67. 

The President gives weighty reasons why 
he delights in the hunt and points out why 
man lives to kill. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. IQJ 

The White House, 18—. 
Secretary Boston Humane Society^ 

Boston, Mass. 
Dear Sir : 

The petition you sent me on the 10th inst, 
in which you ask me to cease from going on 
hunting trips during my term of oflflce as 
President of the United States, giving as 
your reason that it furnishes a bad example 
to the youth of the nation, has been care- 
fully read, and I am glad to avail myself of 
the first opportunity to make reply. 

I have always found great pleasure in the 
hunt. I have toured all of our Western 
States in the search for big game, and I 
frankly say to you that no public protest 
against my hunting the mountain lion, the 
grizzly or the catamount will avail. There 
is nothing unmanly about a man killing wild 
beasts. I glory in it, and so do thousands 
of my fellow-countrymen. 

Every being has a mission to kill. He 
kills to live and lives to kill. The beasts 



158 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

that I have killed in the forest and in the 
mountain kill, without ceasing, the year 
round. .Alan lives by what is killed. When 
we were children we loved to catch birds 
and insects and kill them. It is inborn in 
us, this desire to kill, and we will never over- 
come this desire. 

What gi'eater pleasure is in store for the 
nmn who loves the hunt than to lay low the 
giant beast of the forest who has lived on 
the smaller animals for years? This is one 
of the great laws of nature and you cannot 
convince me that it is wrong. On my recent 
hunting trip to the West I killed 110 moun- 
tain lions, 41 grizzly bears, 15 catamounts, 
2 of the largest buffaloes that were ever 
brought down by the hunter's rifle and 61 
wolves. It was a feast of blood, but the 
more animals that are killed by the hunter 
the greater exertion is made by nature to 
renew them. My countrymen know the hu- 
mane side of my nature is properly devel- 
oped, and I pride myself that it is ; but kill- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ][59 

ing is like creating, and in all men that feel- 
ing exists. Hunting is an honorable sport, 
the sport of kings and presidents, and no 
true American would try to deprive his 
President from having a little outing once 
a year in the mountains, where he can kill 
the wild beasts at will. 

Respectfully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 68. 

The President writes that he is delighted 
in being termed "The Boss President," and 
tells of his having squeezed all the other 

"Bosses." 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Frank : 

I was delighted with "The Boss-Presi- 
dent," which you w^ere kind enough to send 



^QQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

me as soon as it came from the press. I 
think it is the best description of myself ever 
written. I was particularly pleased with 
the lines: 

''The man in the White House is 
the only President who never had a 
Warwick. He is his own 'Boss' 
and does things as he pleases. He 
is a Czar, but the people love 'The 
Big Father.' " 

It is true, as you wrote, that I am a real 
President. I know no "boss," big or little. 
Everybody stands on the same footing, so 
far as I am concerned. I disregard conven- 
tionalities, and if I choose during business 
hours to make the Chief Justice wait in an 
ante-room while I talk with a cowboy friend, 
I do so without offering any apology to the 
Judge for keeping him waiting. 

My methods have been too swift for the 
alleged political "Bosses" who are in the 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^61 

Senate and House. I have discovered that 
they are all too old, too slow and too inno- 
cent for the game of politics as I play it. 
Your book shows the value of contrasts be- 
tween former Presidents and myself. 

When I was elected the first time I myself 
organized a wringer trust for the purpose of 
putting a squeeze on c very political "Boss" 
who thought he had a "pull," and I have it 
placed to my credit that there is but one 
"Boss" in my party to-day, and I am that 
"Boss." I have the daring, the ability and 
the means at my disposal to inflict wounded 
looks on all of the political "Bosses," and 
now all of them are going around Washing- 
ton with a maze of criss-cross healing plas- 
ters on their faces, 

I will guarantee that before I leave the 
White House there will be no such w^ord as 
"Boss" used in this country except when re- 
ferring to myself. I am for progress in va- 
rious directions, and it is with supreme sat- 
isfaction that I pride and glory in the fact 



IgO LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

that I have almost c4iminate(i the "Boss" 
from American politics. There is room in 
American politics for but one "Boss" — the 
President. 

For the handsome way in which you treat 
me in your latest work I intend to appoint 
you at the head of the Indian Bureau. With 
kind regards, I am 

Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTEK NO. G9. 

The President calls for the resignation of 
a United States Senator who has made dis- 
paraging remarks about his broad, expan- 
sive smile. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Governor : 

I have been very much annoyed bv the ap- 
pearance in the newspapers of the statement 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, j^gg 

made by one of the Senators from your State 
who, in referring to an invitation he re- 
ceived to attend a dinner in the White 
House, said, "I suppose I will have to en- 
dure that bulldog grin again." I have writ- 
ten to the Senator and Avithdrawn the invi- 
tation I sent. Never again will he be al- 
lowed in my presence. I have written to him 
demanding that he tender you his resigna- 
tion as United States Senator, and as soon 
as it is received I wish you would appoint 
as his successor the Oneida Senator. When 
the Legislature meets in January orders can 
be given to have him nominated and elected 
for the full term. 

The remark attributed to the Senator has 
angered me very much. I never had any use 
for him, anyway. When I was Governor I 
would not take any dictation from him, and 
he tried to sidetrack me, hoping thereby to 
keep me out of politics forever. His act 
tended to keep me in politics forever. Your 
State is not represented in the Senate prop- 



154 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

erly. One of the Senators is a joke; the 
other is ready for the political cemetery. In 
fact, he has been buried politically ever 
since I had a tilt with him. I do not like to 
appear as one going out to resurrectiouize 
"dead politicians," and that is why I dislike 
to have my name linked with the offending 
Senator, as it would mean that he would at- 
tain undue prominence in politics, and the 
strain might have a bad effect upon his 
health. But I am determined to bring him 
before the public and chastise him for his 
characterization of my smile. I admit I have 
a bulldog smile. I am proud of it. I am a 
fighter in politics, and the Senator knows it 
to his sorrow. He has never smiled, bulldog 
fashion nor any other fashion, since my en- 
counter with him. I engraved the word 
"Sorrow" on his countenance when I 
downed him. Wlieu he gets out of the Sen- 
ate I shall feel relieve<l. My personal com- 
fort will be taken into consideration by his 
retirin"- at once. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^g5 

I am goiDg to give a bear steak dinner on 
the lOtli, and I sliall expect you to be at the 
White House that evening at 7:30. After 
the dinner we will go down to Richmond in 
my airship. With best wishes, I am 
Cordially yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 70. 

The President encourages an Anti-Chloro- 
form Society and tells the members to spread 
the doctrine that man's ambition should never 
give out. 



The White House, 18—. 
Secretary Anti-Chloroform Society^ 

Baltimore, Md. 
Dear Sir : 

I regret that I will be prevented by a pre- 



1QQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

vious engagement from addressing your so- 
ciety on June 21st. On the evening of that 
day I am down for an address in Utica, N. 
Y., wliere the annual meeting of tlie last ten 
survivors of the War of 1812 will be held. 
The engagement to speak before this honor- 
able society was made three years ago, and 
I have repeatedly assured the members that 
I would be with them this year. 

I am heartily in sympathy with the ob- 
jects and aims of your society and I am very 
much pleased and feel honored in being 
made a member of it. I know you will do 
a great deal of good by denouncing the doc- 
trine that man's ambition ceases at forty 
and that at sixty he should be chloroformed. 
By holding public meetings and spreading 
your literature broadcast you will be aiding 
in keeping down the death rate. Already 
thousands of senseless people have snuffed 
out their light simply because they have 
reached the age of sixty. 

I believe that the older we get the more 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. IQJ 

ambitious we become. I have always been 
ambitious and always will be. I have the 
honor of being one of the youngest men who 
ever reached the Presidential chair. I am 
now more than forty. Does any on{; dare to 
accuse me of having ceased to be ambitious? 
It is foolish to say that only young men 
have ambition. When I am old I will be 
fully as ambitious as I am now. Up to the 
present time I have had every ambition grat- 
ified excepting one, and that is to Ivill an 
elephant in captivity. This ambition wall 
be uppermost in my mind until I have suc- 
ceeded in carrying it to fulfillment. I have 
plans ahead for forty years. I know I shall 
succeed in carrying them out. Age is not 
a bar to man's usefulness, and I hope that 
the thought I give your society will be val- 
uable in the work of impressing upon all our 
citizens the fact that they must never fling 
away ambition, even though they be cen- 
tenarians. With assurances of the interest 



1Q^ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

I hold in your society, and wisliing you all 
success, 1 am 

Sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 71. 

The President greatly displeased at an 
order issued in a leading American univer- 
sity forbidding students to own bulldogs. 



The White House, 18—. 
M}' Dear Doctor : 

I note what you say in your letter of the 
10th about the order you issucMi forbidding 
any student in your university from owning 
a bulldog. You and I have agreed upon 
many important matters that have en- 
grossed public attention, but this time we 
disagree. I think vour order was unwar- 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^(^9 

rantable. I think a student in a university 
who is without a bulldog is as much out of 
place there as a ham would be at a Hebrew 
banquet. The bulldog is a part of our uni- 
versity life to-day. He is an indispensable 
adjunct. 

When I was at college I owned a splendid 
specimen of the English bulldog. I prized 
him highly. He was the best fighter in Bos- 
ton. I tell you, my dear doctor, that man 
can learn a great deal from studying the 
bulldog. He is the finest example of courage 
and persistency that can be called to mind, 
and these qualities must form a part of our 
lives if we are to succeed. The bulldog is 
an aid to higher education. He is a great 
object-lesson in faithfulness, tenaciousness, 
resoluteness and steadfastness. As typical 
of courage he has no peer. This nation must 
have courageous men — fighting men, men 
who do not know the meaning of the word 
fear. By studying the traits of the bulldog 
our great student bodies will go out into the 



X70 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

world better equipped to fight in life's bat- 
tles. I do not know of any animal that 
could be substituted for the bulldog in our 
colleges and universities. Surely you would 
not have your students followed to and from 
the college by any animal that is noted for 
its timidness. Would you substitute the rab- 
bit for the bulldog and make it the college 
boy's mascot? Never! What a fine sight 
it is to see in our great American college 
cities the students passing through the 
streets with a fascinatingly ugly looking 
bulldog, tied to a chain, by their side! The 
dog distinguishes its owner from the mere 
counter-jumper or newspaper reporter. 
There is no substitute for the college bull- 
dog and there never will be in the United 
States, and I hope your tyrannical order 
will be withdrawn. Believe me to be 
Very sincerely yours, 

The President. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^.Tl 

LETTER NO. 72. 

The President writes to a defeated candi- 
date for President and offers him the posi- 
tion of Chief Judge of the Court of Appeals 
of Guam. 



The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Judge : 

I am pleased to acknowledge the receipt 
of your letter of November 6, in which you 
heartily congratulate me upon my re-elec- 
tion as President. 

There appears to be no room for any doubt 
about the statement you make with refer- 
ence to the election — that it was a foregone 
conclusion and that you were doomed to de- 
feat. All along I knew you would be chosen 
to head the opposition ticket, and I hated to 
have you go down into history as the worst- 
beaten man who ever ran for the Presidency, 
but fate apparently so ordained. I was sur- 



l~2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

prised on the night of election when I was 
told you had carried Texas. I figured that 
State would be in my column. 

Well, my dear Judge, it is all over now 
and there seems to be only one party in the 
United States — the party of the President. 
I do wish you would come over to our side. 
In this country it is much better to have the 
election of the President made unanimous. 
The enormous expense of conducting cam- 
paigns would be done away with and the 
people would be better satisfied. They do 
not want a struggle for this high office, espe- 
cially when they know that the President 
has striven hard for the welfare of all and 
gives the country a first-rate administration. 

You are a greater man than your party. 
You have fixed principles — your party has 
none. It is headless and tailless and its 
death certificate was made out on November 
6th. The entire press of the country agrees 
with the great statesman who recently de- 
clared in a public speech that four years 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 3^73 

from now I would be the choice of all the 
people for another term. This is one of the 
main reasons for my Y\'anting you to be one 
of us now and not hold out until the last. 

The petition sent me by one hundred of 
the leading men in your party asking me to 
appoint you to some judgeship will be acted 
upon favorably next week. I understand 
you are not in the best of health and the 
strain and worry of the recent contest has 
told greatly upon you. I would suggest that 
you go to some distant climate where you 
could forget all about politics and wrap 
yourself up in the judicial ermine which be- 
comes you so well. Therefore, if agreeable 
to you, I shall nominate you to be Chief 
Judge of the Court of Appeals of the Island 
of Guam. I hope you will accept this great 
honor. Let me have your decision soon. 
Faithfully yours, 

The President. 



3^74 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

LETTER NO. 73. 

The President tells of his great faith in 
the reading of stars and points out the bene- 
fits derived from the study of astrology. 



The White House, 18—. 
Secretary Astrological Society, 

London, England. 
Dear Sir: 

I am delighted to be enrolled among the 
honorary members of your society, which 
has done so much to advance the art of judg- 
ing of the influences of the stars upon hu- 
man affairs. For more than a decade I have 
been a student of judicial astrology, and I 
am pleased to make known the fact that I 
have been able to foretell the fate of all of 
our national acts since I became President, 
and so deeply interested am I in the science 
that in the near future I shall call upon 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. J^75 

Congress to create a new Cabinet officer, to 
be known as "The Secretary of Astrology." 

I believe that all mankind should make 
a deep study of the stars. Every man was 
born under a star, and he should find out 
what that star is and then appropriate it to 
himself. The Constitution of the United 
States says that all men were born free and 
equal. I don't believe this. Astrology 
teaches me to the contrary. If a man is 
born under the right star he may become 
President. If he is born under the wrong 
star he may as well make up his mind that 
he is destined to haul pig iron the rest of 
his life. 

When I grew up I learned that my guid- 
ing star was in the big dipper and that some 
day I would be elected President of the 
United States. I had such an ambition when 
a mere boy, and when I knew that it would 
be my lot to be chosen as the head of this 
gTeat nation I felt that the whole universe 
began to revolve about my star. I make this 



J^'jrg LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

reference to myself in order to point out a 
good reason wliy people should study astrol- 
ogy in their youth, thus enabling them to 
find out their future. Every American boy 
has an ambition to become the Chief Magis- 
trate, and he will know whether or not he 
will attain this honor if, during his school 
days, he takes up the study of astrology. 
That science will tell him whether he will be 
President or simply be elected Supervisor 
of his ward. Again thanking 3'ou for the 
high honor conferred upon me, I am 
KespectfuUy yours. 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 74. 

The President writes a railroad president 
to the effect that he cannot accept any more 
free special trains after the lapse of several 
months. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^77 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Mr. President: 

I have decided not to accept any more 
passes over your system of railroads — after 
January 1 next. I find that public senti- 
ment is against the President accepting 
without charge private cars to transport 
himself and friends to different parts of the 
country when public occasions demand my 
presence. I think it pretty small business 
upon the part of those metropolitan dailies 
that are pounding me because I allow your 
company to place a special train at my dis- 
posal without cost. 

I receive a salary of only |50,000 a year. 
Last year I gave away |25,000 to found a 
colored men's home in North Carolina. 
Other worthy charities have drawn heavily 
upon my bank account, and I find myself 
to-day with scarcely enough money in bank 
to pay for the mounting of the hundred or 
more wild beasts I shot in Colorado last 
spring. If I paid my railroad fare every- 



178 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, 

where I went I would have nothing left out 
of my small salary. If Congress had given 
me the |100,000 a year I asked for I would 
have been able to pay in the future a half- 
rate on the railroads, but as the increase 
was refused me I am compelled to even balk 
at this. Yesterday I discharged ten of my 
private secretaries whom I paid out of my 
own salary. It is a nice thing to be Presi- 
dent, but the job does not pay enough now. 
I hope to get more salary some day. Per- 
haps when I retire the government will al- 
low me a pension of $100,000 a year for life. 
This would be no more than right. 

If you can see your way out of it, after 
the first of next January you can place all 
orders for special trains and railroad passes 
in the hands of my chief secretary. He is a 
very wealthy man and he can afford to pay 
for the special trains as they are used. I 
will have it announced that in view of the 
great expense under which I am laboring I 
have decided to cut down traveling expenses. 



LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. J^jg 

and when I do travel hereafter in special 
trains my secretary will pay the bills. I 
will have photographs made of all the rail- 
road train bills he pays and will furnish 
them to the newspapers. 

I mailed you a letter to-day asking for a 
pass from New York to San Francisco for 

Congressman B . Please issue it as a 

favor to me. 

Thanking you for many courtesies, I am 
Gratefully yours, 

The President. 



LETTER NO. 75. 

The President appoints a colored friend 
Collector of the Port, and in a letter to the 
appointee holds out to him the appointment 
of Minister to Russia at the end of two 
years. 



XSO LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 

The White House, 18—. 
My Dear Charley : 

I have selected you for the post of Inter- 
nal Revenue Collector, so prepare your bond 
and make ready to assume office as soon as 
the Senate confirms your nomination. The 
two Senators from your State tried to pre- 
vent your nomination, but I told them noth- 
ing would change my mind — that I had 
picked you out for Collector long before the 
November election and that I would not go 
balck on my word. They contended that be- 
cause you are a negro and visit the race 
track occasionally you are an unfit man for 
the place. I told them you are honest and 
that is all that I want in a man. 

You will fill the office of Collector without 
offense to the President or to the public. I 
look to you to make one of the best officials 
connected with my administration. You 
will be the first negro to be appointed to 
such a post and there is plenty of room for 
you to make your mark. 



LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ;[gj^ 

I will not expect you to remain in the Col- 
lector's office more than two years. My Min- 
ister to Russia intends to resign in about 
twenty-two months, and when the vacancy 
in that place occurs I shall send in your 
name to the Senate as Minister Plenipoten- 
tiary and Envoy Extraordinary to the Rus- 
sian Court. You will be the first negro to 
be accorded this high honor. 

After the Senate confirms your nomina- 
tion run over to Washington some afternoon 
and take dinner with me. I will arrange to 
have Booker there the same evening. Best 
wishes. 

Your sincere friend, 

The President. 



Reflections of a Bachelor. 

12mo, 218 Pages, 

To give you an idea of it we select tlie following : 



A girl is never desperately 
in love with a man till she 

Eins something he has given 
er to her nightgown. 

If you see what you want, 
don't ask for it. 

Next to teaching a girl to 
play whist, a man loves best 
to hold the cans while his 
wife puts up peaches. 

Every girl wants a man to 
know she wears pretty stock- 
ings, but she doesn't want 
him to know she wants him 
to know it. 

No man ever refused to let 
his wife wear bloomers. No 
wife who cared what her hus- 
band said ever wanted to. 

The good live young. 

There is no zest for the 
wicked. 



A woman's idea of pleasure 
is to swing on the porch in a 
hammock in a white dress 
and watch her husband with 
his trousers rolled up setting 
out plants for her. 

Probably babies talk so 
funny because they are guy- 
ing their mothers. 

Nothing exceeds like ex- 
cess. 

A fad is something that 
makes the man who has it 
happy and everybody else 
mad. 

When you meet a man of a 
shy, retiring disposition you 
may be pretty sure he used 
to recite pieces at all the 
church entertainments when 
he was little. 

Some men would rather 
lose a friend than a jack-pot. 



The authorship of the captivating "Eeflections of a 
Bachelor" remains incog., but we are confident that the 
author is unmarried— because he knows so little. 

—The Trenton Times. 
" Keflections of a Bachelor " is very clever work— because 
the author has been married these forty years. 

—The Los Angeles Hebald. 

This book will be sent to any address by mail, 
postpaid, on receipt of 50 cents for paper bound, and 
$1.00 for the cloth bound edition. 

J. S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 
P. 0. Box 767. 57 ROSE STREET, NEW YORK. 



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